Transform Your Love Life Through Honest Communication with Sex Therapist Nubian Speakin
Nubian Speakin is a sex therapist and erotic poet. Through years of counseling couples, she has developed a keen understanding of the strings that hold a relationship together, as well as the factors that drive them apart.
In this episode, Nubian acts as a arbiter of the female mind. She carefully dissects what makes women tick, and presents it to us on a silver platter. Moreover, she gives keen advice on how to work in cooperation with these subtle nuances. After this episode, you can expect to replace the arguments in your relationship with flawless communication and incredible sex. Some interesting topics we cover include:
1:41 – How money affects your relationships
7:45 – Is marriage necessary
1:04:33 – Better sex and relationships through honest communication
1:27:41 – How to stop arguing in a relationship
1:37:39 – Keys to a successful relationship
1:45:20 – How to get over a breakup
2:05:12 – Attract higher quality women by changing your location
2:10:45 – How to find your purpose
The audio version of this episode:
The most interesting excerpts from this episode:
How to Get Over a Breakup – Advice From a Sex Therapist
How to Stop Arguing in a Relationship
Is Marriage Necessary
We have a episode today, ladies and gentlemen. Nubian speaking is on the podcast. She is a therapist, relationship advisor and poetry writer, speaker and practitioner
we get in deep on this podcast, no pun intended,
is marriage a viable option. In the 21st century, we explore how to attract higher quality women in your life and how to maintain healthy and positive relationships with those women.
But more importantly, newbie and speaking as this profound ability
to be conscious of the complex inner workings not only of her own female mind, but of all of the female minds that inhabit this world and she decodes those inner workings for us men and presents them on a silver platter that we could eat right up and improve upon
mental architect with Sam Sebring no blueprint for peak performance.
Be the best you can be.
We have a episode today, ladies and gentlemen, Nubian speaking is on the podcast. She is a therapist, relationship advisor and poetry writer, speaker and practitioner,
we get in deep on this podcast, no pun intended,
his marriage viable option in the 21st century, we explore how to attract higher quality women in your life, and how to maintain healthy and positive relationships with those women.
But more importantly, newbie and speaking as this profound ability
to be conscious of the complex inner workings not only of her own female mind, but of all of the female minds that inhabit this world. And she decodes those inner workings for us men, and presents them on a silver platter that we could eat right up and improve upon. I think
what I try to let my listeners know what, they're, they're good, they're okay with hearing coming from me, because I put it in perspective. But I always say that is important in relationships. I know some people want to sit down and just Earth not know it's important. You would be surprised you would be surprised. I'm not saying okay, that's not number one. But to me, it's number two, you got finance. I think finance
Um, well, you know, that goes along with I think, yeah, the whole I, you know what, I'm, we're big on respect when it comes to relationship. So when people ask me, what's more important, and I say respect because after that, it comes the love the loyalty and other things because you respect that person. So that's, that's my ideal.
Um, I think finances can break a relationship. So I think in a relationship, I think when two people are either struggling or trying to meet each other halfway, either someone's doing it more than the other and sometimes it's good, frustrating. It depends on the person.
I'm a gold digger.
Oh, oh, wow. But, you know,
gold digger, you have to have tough skin, really tough skin. Because I think that I think now I just think that when people say their gold diggers and they want that money relationship, it's not all cracked up to be what it is. So if you're okay with being that gold digger and not letting your feeling feeling the way you're fine, you know,
there's been a bit of a gold digging Renaissance lately. Have you noticed as a whole which arrangement
Oh, it's like Tinder for gold diggers Oh, so it used to be back in the day in order to be a gold digger. You gotta get to know the right people you gotta go to
reach people that I don't really know this i think i think people still rich people. Oh yeah, that's going on big time. Yeah,
you got a few friends who are making some bugs Really? Yeah they seem to enjoy it you know the crazy part
well here's the crazy part
okay then maybe
they don't sometimes sometimes
most of the time I just think you I think
you have to pay a price for yeah apparently
the prices hanging out with some weird old dude
Oh no. I
so I looked into it. That's why I say you have to have some tough skin because if you could just well you your guy so I don't know how it is very well. So my imagination was I was gonna find some like rich Oh, sugar Mama. Those don't exist arrangements. It was just a bunch of old gay dude. You say? You know,
I can't tell if you're willing to do that.
mean, most people want to say that
I put that there. I don't know per se. I just think that's in my top three. So that's why when you say what's communication Yeah, respect, love, whatever.
But I do say you shouldn't marry for love You should not
I've said this before and I've put it out on my Facebook page I'm quite a few people agree with me. I just think i'm i'm not saying you don't have to love that person. But I don't think that's the sole excuse for married person. I just think if you can build with someone if you can create
and work with each other I think that's why you should marry because marriage is work it's not just about oh I'm so in love and this and that it's other things so if I can find a man that I can deal with you know he can meet me halfway
dreams we we we built to be that that that power couple that that whole you know, we can do this together we can we can build basically I'm love comes with it. I do definitely believe that I have to love someone. But I don't believe that you should get married because you love someone. And that's where the controversy comes out.
Well, for me personally, I think I'd have a hard time loving someone to begin with. Unless they had that quality of their actively he said, so if I love someone, it kind of takes care of that. For me. It For Me, there might be some other people who get some good
and and that's what I think. And I think most women, they're about that, that dream that, Oh, I'm going to fall in love. But sometimes you fall in love with a person that is you fall in love for the wrong things. You might love them for this for that. But then you're not looking in the long haul of the whole relationship. That's why I want to speak our relationship that it is work people think it's so easy but it's not because every day is going to be different. I'm not saying that you're going to be not be happy Of course you're going to be happy but you're gonna have your days when you disagree. You know, other things come up. But I just think people when they get a map when they get married, that's that I think us the United States self that dream to be honest, they cells that that, oh, we're going to be in love following up together and be together forever. You know, I got the big house and the white picket fence. And it's just all fun it but nobody thinks about when the kids come along with the finance and then the problem is coming on how you're going to deal with it. You know, is it something that you can work with with that person, or the unbearable I think this but like I said, it depends. But that's me.
In fact, I have been going through a mini existential crisis and the crisis whether Yeah,
trying to decide whether or not I believe in marriage in general, let me clarify
here alone the length where
people get a little bit confused. So let me clarify. I definitely believe in spending the rest of your life with a single person. Okay, I definitely believe that. So I believe I'm not just trying to it for the rest of my life. I don't think that's a good idea. So I guess you could say, I believe in the idea of spiritual marriage. Definitely. However,
way I like to explain it is, let's say we had an alien race who's studying humans, they discover us and this alien race was the same as us but they didn't have the emotion of love. They just didn't have it. Love was not a thing in their race and you're trying to explain marriage to them? Well, the only thing they would really understand it to be as a financial contract because when you remove the feeling of love and romance for marriage on paper that's what marriage is
it is it's a financial contract
seems to me why is it that it's I need a girl and I trust you I love you I have kids with you let's get this
listen my boyfriend says the same thing it's a it's a contract that paper is a contract um. But like I said, I think it was created in the states to be what it is a contract it's all about money why is it so expensive to get met was more expensive to get a divorce, but it's so easy to get married. So basically, your sign that letter to say, okay, it's Yeah, and I do agree with what you're saying. As far as the whole spiritual,
I believe that I believe you can be connected with one person. And it seems to me that you can like the way I would probably go about doing it with my current worldview, and I'm sure it's labeled a change in a week.
Do Oh, wow. Yeah. Yo. And don't, don't forget dumb,
but you're able to admit that.
Well, see, I'm trying to fix it. That's why I'm bringing really cool educated people like, okay,
okay. Okay. So maybe you can clear this whole marriage. Okay. Okay. Cuz if he said, okay, Sam, you had to get married tomorrow, which completely don't do that. Because there's no, but let's say you did, I would do something. What they call like a commitment ceremony, right? So it was like a marriage. You invite all your friends.
It's so funny. You're saying they
all the same. But you just don't you?
It's so funny. My boyfriend was just saying that, like, smart, very smart. And I think that's what gets me I'm big on intelligence. I love to have a great conversation. Hilarious. I Larry
over in the corner of the room.
It's funny you say that because they say that about us in the States. Like, I don't know what energy we put off where people but they just love. He is absolutely funny. I love that. He could give me a different look on things. That's what makes it interesting. I you know, people say, oh, find something. Yeah, we have a lot in common. But I think more so that he's, he's more worldly. So he's been around because he he said he was a professional basketball player. So. So he's been through all these.
So he's been through all these countries. And he's much younger than I am. And he's matured mental, the wise, you get what I'm saying
is the thing. I've noticed that in general, women are much less concerned with, like, superficial aspects of men. Like they, they look on what's on the inside. They're not worried about how you look, blah, blah, blah. So but I found there are two exceptions to this rule. Generally, anything and that is height and age,
From my experience, if you're shorter, shorter or younger, for you. That's funny.
Maybe it's just where I'm at in life. But you know, so funny. Like, I might be talking to a girl the other day, where is it
with the girl?
She was too short, and no shorter than me, which was good. I had that I had the height and we were talking and it was going, Okay, it was going well, and we started talking about astrology. And so she has, okay, how old are you? And I said, 22. And then to that. So I took the same thing. I was like, how old are you? 25.
Oh, no, she was 30 something. So any? You know what's funny? I had a friend like that. She was 30. She was 35. And then in the dude was 31 years. She kept saying, oh, he's younger.
I'm like, that's not younger. When I say younger, younger. Yeah, no, I don't. Um, I really don't. I used to, you know,
it's very superficial with the women. They don't they overlook the short guys. And I'm the age how you're saying
age more than the short thing because age is generally pretty indicative of your personality. If you're older, you're probably gonna
see that's and that's where my views came from. Before. Because my whole thing is, I didn't want to date guys that were younger than me, because my intellect is. It's different. It's up there. So meeting someone that is much younger than me. I gotta, I gotta sit it out. I gotta see where their mind is. And the only person change that is him. I was gonna say, it seems like, if that's your point of view,
you would have to hit it out of them. Oh, my God. gift, the gap
level. I'll bet you wouldn't even think about like he would have to a home run.
Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. And you know what? It's funny. You saying thank you. He loves that. Because he always takes credit. That's
been places I know that.
I've traveled the world.
I personally believe
um, I believe I'm with you. The whole spiritual and connection and to be together. I believe in that part of it. I don't like the definition that United States say on marriage. Like you say, the whole paper. But I believe in a spiritual union. I want that. I want that. I think that connection is far more than Okay, we're going to buy this dress and sign this contract. So everybody can come and eaten, you know, and celebrate to people and the money it takes just to get married.
up there. So what happened to the whole I think, and you know what, I think it takes away from that whole thing because most women when they're getting married, they're just worried about if their makeup are going to be messed up my hair my gown, is he gonna faint? Am I gonna fake they're just worried about the whole ceremony but they don't realize your art back to get married to this person that connection? lilacs
exactly it's over. Because that's what they was thinking about. They was thinking about impressing others. But I believe that marriage is about your, your own connection with that person. That whole spiritual thing. It shouldn't be about everybody. And when I say I want to get married, yes, I want to be spiritually bonded with one width. Not necessarily, oh, we gotta sign this contract to this that, you know, I'm not big on that part is injured. I actually have a weird theory that
the relationship has the potential to actually stay healthier, with less commitment. And here's what I mean. So when you start talking to someone, and you're not in proper perspective, and I should preface this by saying if you're in a kick relationship, which is what you aim for. It should not be this way. If we can, generally when you start dating someone
working out, you got your together, you're taking that person out on dates, and really trying to impress them. You're putting a lot of effort into relationship, okay, you get into the relationship will be soon will be
you can sit in. And, you know, hopefully you had the intuition to say no to that. But you know, when your girls telling you Oh,
hell yeah. You gotta watch Netflix. Hell yeah. And so you naturally growing.
Oh my God,
oh, my God, that transition from situation or relationship,
it's easy to get in a situation ship doing that. Um, I it I, what I teach women mainly, is to try not to lose yourself. It's easy to do that only because now I'm experienced being in love. But before I couldn't understand it took me a long time at this age, to really be in love with someone. So, um, it's hard. Trying not to lose yourself. That's why I want I want to encourage him, I want him to know, you need to go to the gym. I don't want to always just say, Okay, stop him from being him. I want to see him flourish. And, and vice versa. He wants me he's a tough cookie. He's the one say, Oh, you got to get this. You got to do this. Don't stop doing this. And, and I think that's what helped me to not lose myself. Because sometimes I'm a procrastinator, and I will sit there and I'll be like, Oh, I got time. And then I get comfortable. But like I said, once, I do say, okay, snap out of it. I'm here. I gotta do this. And once I make up my mind, that's it. So
how do you prevent that from happening?
I think it has to deal with yourself first. But then again, it also depends on the person. How much does that person want you to succeed. Um, I think because I have a strong person that wants me to succeed. And believe in me that I haven't slacked up to the point where I forgot about my dreams about the book that I want about all the things that I want to do. And but what I will say sometimes you have to take time to yourself, because sometimes when people get together, they feel like they can't be apart. I like space. Yes, I like space. Sometimes he gives me space and sometimes he just told me to go It's okay. I'm good with it. Go out with your girlfriends take time to meditate. I do that redo whatever it is. But make sure you find yourself and not lose yourself a lot of time when they get with the I know they always get sometimes they get offended when I say because I keep it real is how we say I haha I gotta keep it real. I because you know I owe it to that woman who looks up to me that yes. Oh
yeah, I've gotten them but you know what? prove your case. Tell me what I'm wrong about
Oh. So you can't do that I'd rather throw
I can't logic
time to that Yeah, I'm gonna actually your side and just stick to my current worldview and then come back to you six months later and say,
don't do that. What's. What's your birthday?
It is November 23. That makes me
that date. Okay,
what does this look
that's my ex husband's birthday.
And it's funny. I have another poet whose birthday is on the same day. And I have another friend. No, but no, it doesn't make you terrible. I know I met my ex husband This is aeons ago when I was
young went with the flow. But then when I grew and find out who I wasn't like this, not for me. Because
now I state when him quite some years before I got because I really didn't want to get married. I didn't want to. But I stayed for years. And then, you know, and it was like, it was the thing to do. I let them get me. You know,
how you get with mom, them? Oh, you guys been together so long? When are you getting married? No dinner five x for kids and stuff. So I, I let them and then my sister looked at me, she knows me the best she does it. Surprise you did that. Or you did all of this. This is so not you. I've always been that rebellious, free spirited person. Like, you know, to, to make this. But I was just going with the flow, being a student and mom and and working and doing everything I just eventually just woke up in like, I'm not happy. Well, I
have a theory on why people in that same situation tend to marry their partners. And here's what it is. If you let's say you're dating for four or five, maybe even 10 years, however long you've been, you get to a point where your two options, kind of if you look at it simplistically is either get married or break up, you know, you can't really especially with all this pressure and stuff. So, so much pressure there wasn't given, given, God forbid your partners and get married, get married, get married. The only way you're going to weasel out of that is if you say no,
and then this is what makes that difficult
is because there's not enough emotional leverage to break up with that person. There's nothing you can point to. You can't say, Oh, he cheated on me. Oh, no things. It was. It's pretty cool. Right? It's a pretty decent relationship. Just not good enough. Yeah. But here's the show that I give to people. And you need to take this advice with a grain of salt because some people will misconstrue this because all relationships have their ups and downs. But generally speaking, if you look at the pervasive feeling of relationship, that's all my friends if it's not a, yes. It's a No. Oh, that's what a lot of people get stuck into, all my friends will come to me and say, Sam, I'm how's my girlfriend samedi relationship. Oh, my girlfriend isn't quite respected me. Oh, this isn't that good. This isn't that good. And it's just this, this, this kind of feeling of uneasiness in relationship is not quite happy. But they're not off yet. And they probably never will be. It's, it's, it's oftentimes a pretty good relationship. And the girl probably won't cheat on him. And the girl probably will do anything terrible, but it's not a yes. So you're wasting your time,
right? I like that. I like that.
It can be because. But you know what, sometimes you're in it. And you don't want to hurt the person's feelings. And, you know, yeah, I got blamed for being the one to leave. But that was a sacrifice. It takes
some my mom's here. Oh, fat. She's 70. She was born in different time. So I definitely didn't let style we say I was smarter than my parents. But I definitely didn't listen to her her old fashioned beliefs and things like that their
beliefs and then there's, you know,
growing up in and looking back
The only thing I could say it's not that much for me. Um, I had to re educate myself as far as you know, why people have religion, spirituality, and find where I'm at. Now, looking back at I'm I'm a person that I love history. I like to know where I come from, what's right, what's wrong, and I was rebellious, a lot of things that she told me it didn't sound right. It didn't fit. So that's why I say when she comes from a different time, I am not the the woman to obey. I'm not saying that's wrong. You get what I'm saying. But the whole submissive and you got to do this. And the man I'm a I would say, I'm a bit of a feminine. No, I'm saying I don't I
but see. That's why I couldn't listen to her. Because the times that she came on, my mom doesn't know how to drive. She never learned how to drive. She came here with She came here with my father. No, it was just they call it green. Back in the day when you're not that smart. You're young and dumb. She married my father came here, never learned to drive. He was one of those people who had to watch her because I'm that regal, that how she look at, um, she's fair skinned. And so she could have easily gone for the Spanish area, the, you know, the Caucasian person, whoever. So it was almost like he was watching her. She couldn't be by herself to do this and do that. So she never really
did her thing.
Yeah, my mom only worked as a nurse. But I don't know anything outside of who she is. But a mom who worked as a nurse. I don't know what her dreams were. What she happy when she met him before she met him. What is it that you ever wanted to do? She told me she's saying, what did you do with that? No, I'm, you know, people just tell me. That was it. They, they, the women had nothing. And it's funny. Because when you look at these movies, and you see where the women are so unhappy, they've been married all this time. And the children grow up. And then boom, all of a sudden, they're depressed. Oh, this is not what I wanted to do. And, and that's how I saw her. And I never was going to be that person. You know, I feel like the only way I can find a person to to, to meet to be where I'm at is to be who I am. If I'm who I am. I'm straight for it. I can be
competitive, I can be argumentative. Sometimes I could be this if I could show a person who I am. And they're able to come in to say, Oh, I like who she is. Whether I'm this way or not. I think that's great. I think you're pretending if you're not being yourself. So with her, I don't know who she was. So I couldn't say
her life purpose was to raise and that's
how most of them was it was just to get us right to raise us to get good grades to be this person to grow up to be productive human and and back then that's how it was, was to get married and have children because the first thing Oh, we're going to have some kids yada yada yada. And I think see that over and over and over again is
interesting. I think we're kind of rubber banding very very very far in the offices So back in the day because you know there could be two types of girls on this planet there could be badass woman who's their purpose in life is to not raise kids
I don't blame them they're here to be yes they're
gonna do but there are also some women are put on this planet and they want to be a mom they went to a school that is why they're put on here and so back in the day if you happen to be born into one of those bodies where your purpose in life was to raise children you nail it like you were born to the time if you wanted to be a lawyer you were a little nowadays there's such a far push in the other direction that I've actually seen so my friends where I could I could see it in their eyes they want to be an amazing mom like that
oh no not to take that away I did I I know I know plenty of women they get a certain age you know about that oh I got to be met but they want that they love it I they want the whole I want to be married but like I said when you think about it what is there the meaning of marriage when they think about it like that Is it really just to have a husband and have kids and raise them and that's it
complex so I don't know I've done all those things but I'm not that I'm not a stay home mom I have kids I'm not a person that on that wasn't me I don't think that that's has never been my sole purpose
I don't think you should necessarily let your purpose to define you you even if that is your purpose even if your purpose is to you know
you still still completely let that define you you should always know
oh yeah yeah but it's a learning process
when your mom cuz you know
i disagree i disagree because I'm I am a great mom
even if I got eight I've never had the inkling of being just that I can balance both I can do it all and most women who are like me that can do it all I say I can do it all doesn't necessarily means that I want to do it all but if I had to that's how resilient I am I just don't believe that when you have kids the world stops
well that TV quality
a girl like that he says no I really want to do X y&z but
how I did it is that
you have to start revealing yourself as who you are. And not listen to people because their definition may not be a definition of who you are. So by society. Being a good mom is stopping everything to take care of your kids.
I believe that when you bear those kids, you do it for what I To be honest, I just think I'm my boyfriend says this a lot. And I agree. I never looked at it. But I think sometimes people have who have kids or just do it for selfish reasons. Not to say that you don't love them.
I have to say
I did it
last year think when I was with my ex husband that he wanted them for selfish reasons.
I'm his mom. When it kids. Um, he wanted them before. That was his thing. He wanted to get married and have kids. But for what reason is just to say, I'm a father,
I'm I learned that. Yes, I love these kids. Because that's who they they're, they're a part of me. But in order to look at them
and be able to teach them I have to show them. So I never I tell women. Although you're there for your kids. You're being that at home mom
and give you think that that's all your sole purpose. Your kids are watching.
They may not even view being what you are as a good thing. Because we're all born with different personalities. So what I learned, they watched me my kids watch me. And they're more proud because I did those things. Not because
I raised them well, and a two parent home. And I did this. And that's not what they're proud of me about. To be honest. They're just proud that Oh, my mom, she's a poet. She does this. And when I teach them, I can look in their eyes and tell them I want you to be unique. That way. You don't necessarily have to say, Okay, let me have kids. And having kids doesn't stop you. Because I proved it to them.
Look at your kids. Sometimes they're not ditch, you don't have to be you know that supermom. Or that they're looking at you to see what mom does. Besides, you know, buy me some candy. Or take me to a part. What else is she doing?
Yeah, yeah, we're gonna we're gonna do that for the kids. But I don't want them not only look at me as just mom. I want them to say, Oh, Mom is this intelligent woman who who does other things. And at the same time she loves and take care of us. You're going to always take care of your kids as a mom. And not every mom is capable of being a mom. But you can still show them that love. You still can raise them. You can still do this. All the Wow. Doing you be who you are. Because you will. I really think that in at the end, you will regret it.
That's how I feel.
So I look at women with children. They just stopped everything. I'm different. I just look like no,
keep going to school. I got to keep doing this. Because if I'm gonna take care of this post on whether you're here or not. They have to know that I'm strong enough
personality if you didn't get everything up and just raise your kids.
Oh, my God.
And you know what? Because my ex husband didn't support me as much. That was part of the reason
I was an NC before. was a rapper back in china doll. Yeah. Um, he was. Oh, you?
Well, the first one was at ground
fell. So at
spaghetti meatballs, aka fresh boy. He's rapping Yeah,
I love where people
know is a mouthful. I don't know if I could do an entire career on Italian. But, you know,
um, he. It's funny, because when I met him, his brother knew of me more than he did. Like, oh my god, you're dating chunks. But him. He's like, Okay, I'm like, Okay. Not that I wanted him to be. But I was kind of glad. Because sometimes after the whole Limelight thing. You just want to chill. You just want to chill and
yeah, but. But. But that's. But then when I'm doing my poetry. That's what I that drive. And that. That passion is what I love to do. Not necessarily means that I can't go home and chill and not be was amazing, like poetry I've ever seen. And like,. Why did you look?
No, the one you did?
Oh, okay. I'm sorry. What did he do?
I've never seen so much conviction.
Oh, oh, wow.
You know what, if you did that, then I did my job.
It was so funny. Because afterwards, I can see you know, sometimes I can't listen. Sometimes I don't focus on the people. But because I'm in my own space. But when I look around, I sometimes have to look away because I see the people like
he did. And then a guy when I came back,
I did my job. And that's why being a writer poet back then, was not a big thing.
But now it is
in the faces more in style. Everybody has a cunning linguist at night. But at the time when I was doing it, they told me that wasn't poetry,
not everybody. You just have some people that when you come up and look a certain way, and you deliver something, it's different. So anybody could have did when I was doing but because I have an aura, and because I have a certain when they call exotic, I still for years, Hill is exotic. And then someone say, well, it's a unique look. Not everybody looks like Okay, okay, I'm excited. Whatever that is.
So they're saying, so I used to x, what is it? Because then I had all the people that was attracted to what I'm saying. Because they say when you're saying it, we believe you. That's what got me. You could give me your exact same home word for word. And I could say it there would not be a single dictation. And that's what I try to explain to people with me. I'm so passionate about teaching is where the writing comes from. I want you to know how that feeling is. I want you to know what I'm thinking. I want you to indulge, it made me feel like I had to step my game up. I you should. You should. And you're 22. I you're you're 22. And I say you should step it up.
Yeah. Because there's, you know what, women it's it's layers. So, um, you can always get better. There's no such thing as thing plateau. Unless you're one of those dudes that I'm just gonna get all the women honey, they're talking about you. So I don't care how much you got. I don't care how much Yes, I don't care how much both of you God and all that other stuff. You did nothing. You did absolutely nothing. What I tell men though. Low human bodies. They're all not the same.
Don't be afraid to x. What makes them feel good. Because I find that a lot of women lie
because they're they weren't fixed manager. They are gold diggers that they pretend. And I think what happens is they grow older, because so many women pretended to like what she was doing that they were never taught. So now they're just lousy lovers, like things women talk about.
I would say the number one change I've made
since the beginning in terms of becoming a better lover is very, very carefully monitoring your partner's body language. Yes, like, because you kind of nailed it. Um, in that will. Women will kind of lie and not on purpose. But
are catching fish and ask the fish how to catch fish. The fish isn't going to know if they're in tune with themselves, though. But those are few and far between. I find what's much more reliable is looking very, very closely to their expression.
Twitter, they move if they're more relax, if they make a sound if they like it, right there.
I think men are especially when they first meet a woman. I think men are so focusing on
not being a bad lover, that they don't focus on making or having, even because having and making love is different. For me. I think when you of course, you know, if you're making love, you're more spiritually in tune with that person in is just. I, I've been able to do it for years after, you know, outside of me not being married, I was never one of those persons that got it confused. So it's okay to master the art of having. But then it doesn't get real until you're actually into a person. And and you're, you're showing them and you're appreciate them. And I think men in general just need to really step their game up. Because the things that they think woman women, like they really you don't like it. Because you know, there's about I think it's more than 50% of women who don't have an. So now you're faced with that. And the fact that you're not doing something, right.
It's so funny. There's one of my favorite videos, they went around like men.
The guy was, Oh, you know, a few days ago. We
did you have an? Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Did she? Did you partner and every time I was like,
literally dead. So I think so. That's why
I said they are so focused on Elena Oh, I went from I was nobody want you jumping on them for hours.
But see, that's all you guys are thinking about. But that's why I say at a young age, how you master this. And, um, I think my boyfriend did that to what you do is i'm
not all women are in tune with their body. So sometimes you got to take your time and figure it out. I'm not saying okay, you're going to be all go on your first date, and just throw everything at a person. But that's the moment that you learn her body so that maybe your first time wasn't as good. But then you can come back with Yeah, I remember this. I could do this and keep it going. But I think the young age comes with the guy saying, well, I nailed that. I was all in there deep. I had her this and I've been heard. It doesn't matter if she's young. She's probably not gonna think about it. Because she's not in tune with herself. I think I've always been in tune. So I was a bit of a credit. I was a bit of a credit because I knew what I wanted. And I wonder why men wasn't doing it. So when. Yeah, but when I figured it out, I wrote about it.
So now you got men and women looking at me say,
How can I feel that way? So I had to write what the right man did. I had to write about that.
don't know. Yeah, you you. I. I had to write about it. And what I write about. I always tell people, I am my poetry. I can't write about this and just pretend and there's a lot of people that doesn't Oh, I could wide I can write
about. It's not just saying that the word, the date bird or whatever. It's more. It's engagement is touching. How did it make you feel when he did this? Or and then I get nasty. And I think humans naturally. Oh my god. That's so nasty. What's nasty about?
Hey, some people like it nasty. Look, listen. Some people like it nasty. But I hate when I'm in a room full of grown people. And oh my gosh, she's so NASA. Steve, what do you do?
So our children from the age of five movies where people are getting their heads chopped off this early. But
is that a? I see. Turn it off. 100 people get shot down the street. But a not having it.
So funny. You say that? Because naturally my nipples stay heart. So every time really. And I thought it was crazy. Because now I'm at this venue in this. And you know, she's known me for a long time. And she introduced me she was like, you know, I don't get this. About newbie. And I mean, I've taken notes and I've done all these things. But I need to know why are your nipples only hard? You don't necessarily have to be cold. I don't get it. So. Hey, that. I don't know. Yeah, I get flashback sometimes. But I don't know why. But that's just a natural thing. I don't.
One thing that bugs us. Man up is that for us citizen. It's true for both sexes, but much more. For men. is so tied. Or you go it
is and I think that's why you don't stop and take the time because it's tied in with your ego.
I remember when I first started having. I'm like, back in high school.
Oh, I thought you were gonna tell me 1011 night
yesterday. Actually. just lost it last night.
Why am I talking about
It's so funny. I think every guy has this thought. But they won't admit it will go about
it. But the cut on whatever. And then they get like two inches in and they say oh yeah. counts. That's another one. I swear. Like, that's another one on the list. I say. That's how you
like it takes guys at least a few girls. And honestly, sometimes it takes guys their entire lives to get past that. Like, you know,
I believe you about that entire I think there are men saying oh yeah, I'm like, Are you two grown for that? But
me like, you know, like,
okay, the faster you can get over that the better because I was kind of trapped in that mindset for a while. And that my ego my my self worth was very very much closely tied to
kind of taught that
I get it but
you know, I kind of developed this identity around like oh, I'm saying
and I yes, I was getting laid a lot but there was much less connection and much less quality than there is now when I finally gave that up and I deleted the list you're only 22 that's good it but it took a while to figure that out.
It took a while you might have some setbacks
but at least you know some people so much denial that they stay with that that whole image of the more women I get okay but I think that like you said after wow when you've done what you've done them all but every like I say every woman body is different so that's your learning stage so if you're still out there letting your ego get caught up with how many women you've done you've never mastered a woman's body you've never master how you can make a woman feel good to keep them coming back or you know they always say the men that have the crazy girls are the ones that doing it right because obviously they did something they did something right she don't care if you are whatever type of man you was just doing it and then that's how that whole thing creeps into mine with women thinking they're in love because good
and you know it's it's very tempting to look at a guy
delete the list delete the but no amount of me telling you that or no amount of money been speaking telling you the
honest to God. I think I know guys to grow their focus to the point.
Oh, yeah, I believe I believe that. And that's why I tell women. I don't care how old they are. until they're ready
to always be. How many women that Oh, yeah. brag about. I just hate that though. But, you know, that was a big thing about men. And how many women if they can tell somebody? Oh, they can tell their friend like, Oh, yeah, I did that
is because fundamentally, you know, the women he had is so it's a little wrong. You should try it out. But past a certain number. That's not what you guys really unimportant. It doesn't matter. But when you start pulling a lot of tail. Oh my god, your male friends. Gas you ups. I know. So much. Like you thought. How many girls this
week? Oh my god, you're the coolest. So you're gonna keep doing it.
Oh, I had her.
So when you start getting a reaction from your friends to say, Well, look, you know,
but you know what? Yeah, I'm not saying that. You need a connection with every woman you meet or whatever. I just think some men like you said. They just never get past How many? And that's when the learning phase. I think if you're going to be getting some all the time. If you are that dude who slept with 100. Women don't come out to be the man that don't know what the f you're doing. You get what I'm saying? Like, if I meet you. And you're telling me Oh, I had this. And I did this. And you get in bed. And you're that
back in my day. You would know now I'm a little nicer. But I'm not normally. Not that. Nice. I know. I'm very straightforward. Now, I said different. Because you don't know how they're gonna take it.
When you criticize their. Imagine that. A lot of men will
say You know what? You're right.
I have a way with words. And people.
I have never
had a guy per se. I don't know, really get mad because I set something
I never. It wasn't even nice. It's about being honest. I'll be like, Okay, this is what this is. This is what. But I think some men have had their teaching moments. Like, for instance, I hate keep bringing Alex name of. But we pretty much know a lot about our past and each other. But a woman had to teach him growing up. Yeah, he had so many women. But then a woman had to teach him. Why are you having like that? Nobody ever stopped him. Because why you're young. Everybody's young. You're just doing it. But until someone stops you, and I'm that person and say, Okay, this is what we like, then you're on a whole new level. Because now you're you find yourself doing it maybe to a person that you have connection. But knowing the fact that you know, now you're not going to have women saying, Oh, my God, and you know about your egos? Oh, he didn't do this, right. He he just did that. And he did this. I just think that when I told them, I was just being honest about what I like. And then I did reiterate like, now everybody's not gonna like what I like, because I might be into some crazy stuff. And they might be all conservative and, you know, laid back and but you you need to ask, don't be afraid to ask. Um, and I get all my women all the time. Like, stop it. Please tell them if there's somebody you want to be with. Don't just shame them or whatever. I used to always say, I don't, I don't have time to teach. And I think that comes with age. I say, I don't have time to teach. Because I really believe if you had such a connection with the person that it'll come naturally, maybe a few things off. But then you can grow teach each other. But I never used to. I don't think I can go back and teaching back. But I used to think that, oh, if they don't know this by now, then I
need to learn because when I'm with a girl, and let's say they just start doing it the way I don't want to.
My first thought is not
no, it won't be at that time. I'm not saying stop what you're doing. I had a dude, I had a dude come to me, because he loved this woman. But she didn't know how to get ahead.
And but he really loved her. And he was like, You know what, newbie? And I'm going to ask you, you do poetry. And, you know, he's another guy that I've, he's a motivational speaker, religious, good friends, or whatever. And he travels all around the world. I really like this girl. But she don't know how to get it. And he asked me, What can I do to show her and not embarrass her. So I had to really want to be the guy that tells them, hey, look, you're not doing this. Right. Okay. The first rule, you don't tell them. They're not doing it. Right. And I think that's why you it's a way to present things. And I was always able to say, so he could say, look on. You know, I love it when you do this, but yada yada. I like this way. Don't put it so much on her. Oh, you're doing a great job. Okay. You do it this way. I like it like this. I'm a little different. You know, without them getting offended. Believe me, once she learned how you like it, then you're all
you're home free. You know,
it is shocking
how many women don't.
I'm not. And I and I preach it every day. That's why I'm always that person. I told you when Sir, my Hump Day. So it's a process of putting up humorous means it's also teaching powder. Like, I think I put one the other day like, you know, get him Hey, like you melting ice cream that's teaching you something that's teaching you something, because then you're using your tongue to, like, engage. So everybody thought that was like, hilarious. But it's true. It's a teaching thing. And I I was surprised back in the day because I've been in this business for Wow, I'm not surprised women actually tell me. I don't know. My boyfriend hates it. He just tells me to stop. Well, my husband people married, you know, doing the wrong thing with me. And how I say this. Not everybody like doing it. So my
let's say, I have this thing. You know, I give him his like, you ain't got no sense.
Like you just stupid crazy. But what I find is, I tell women, they're like, Look, you're asking me to show you. But in order to master this. I don't know if everybody wants to master here. But I'm glad I did that. I say in order to master it. You have to like or love what you're doing. When you like, luster. You're with some man. And you're acting like you don't like it. Or you're like, if they're gonna
they're gonna know. So, you know,
put something into it. Now, I can't make you really enjoy this because I enjoy. I can't make you but if you're willing to try and make yourself be okay with this, then go ahead. And this is what you do know. It's funny. For the first
one or two years, my career on this planet
that I was incapable of climaxing from oral. You know, how many men say that
Listen, I have. And then that's the one you try to stay with. Because then now you've been on master every time and now you're going to see what that other girl is doing. And you're able to say, look, this is how I like it. You're going to get it again. But they are so women who are really good in in some that are not. And I've encountered men that
never say no now, but I'm just saying before, it's just it's I don't know if it's something on your behalf. Are you waiting? I posed this question one time on my page. whose responsibility is it for you to climax?
Oh, men have key egos. You're smart.
You're 22 and I know men always he goes I was like I'm sitting down doing cables. Now I tell women when are you doing? keys are you are you doing your key goes well, I'll put a post up are you doing and it's so funny. Yes. Matt. You know there Yes, I am. Because the that's the thing men
I'm not gonna say most men but some men are taught
that a woman
have to make you come or I have to make you she should. She shouldn't be a part of it. But I I don't think your sole purpose is to lay there and to think I can't do this until she come in. I think it's a mental thing when a man does not know how to come when a woman is giving them hey I just think it's mental
because you know the first couple times I had I was so caught up in my ego to be to be honest with you. I was nervous I was nervous as all hell the first couple parties I had and that's that's what I was thinking about when I was I was not thinking about oh this woman is beautiful I'm really going to go
oh my god I'm gonna come yeah
I'll lose my things like that
yeah well by the way
yeah I would say that the results from Andrew and I even more noticeable and when
there is a made of steel right around the corner
you're smart and it with that teaches men there's a lot of men that have a problem problem in coming too fast and keep looking out but like I said it's a mental thing you're so busy oh yes of course most of time It feels so good but I've seen I've heard of men and no men that they have that that gift like to make sure she gets it first and then when he's ready he just go
I feel very uncomfortable
you know what and I think all men should feel some type of way and that's a good thing to feel that way because I'm
she's gonna call you one selfish an FYI say whose whose job is it you give the joke about oh if she didn't got hers ya know well
it's such a year
listen all you need to know listen if she can't if she can have an, Orly make it come some way. I know most women who cannot have one they can, Orly so if that's your thing. And you're not with someone who's actually made you have an, which I still think it's a mental thing, then let them know. That's what to get you there. So at least if he does that, at least he doesn't feel bad. Because then he focused on you getting yours first before me. But some men
they don't care. They'd be like, Oh, I got mine. If she didn't do it. By what? Five seconds? Come on. Are you kidding me?
Immediately texting the boys. Yo. I got laid. She's on the list. Yeah.
Oh, I did this. And I did that. I don't know if that's a guy thing. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Well,
we're weird. We're weird. And y'all is women are naturally closer to enlightenment.
Yeah, it takes you guys a little more time.
Yeah, I you know, I don't want to put out too many more ideas. But I did have an idea of I like talking to them in
personally to teach them
things. So I get more I get both. But I get more male feedback on the post. Because they're like, okay, thank you for saying that. Some men know it already. But some men need the woman to hear it. But I like teaching them because then next time they go do something they're thinking about what I said, or how I said it, and how it makes me feel. Because then if I I'm making a joke out, look, don't shoot the messenger. That means that I got with all my girls. And this is what they told me. So if you're doing this, it's wrong. So they're like, Oh, my God.
Yes. Listen, this is
what I heard. Don't shoot the messenger. And then I'll put something funny. Like,
no woman, I know you
work more with men or women.
You know what I'm, I work more with women. But surprisingly, I get even amount of men. I get it even amount. Because I'm,
I'm able to be honest. And I think most women, not. They're not telling them that. So they would rather come to somebody like me, just not me. But someone who generally knows what they're saying, or doing or whatever. And then they're asked the question, and they're, they're more so to to be, you know, they're learning. They're like, yeah, okay, this is what I'm going to try it this one, and then they're honest about how they're doing it. So I think if you could get I think it's even amount I get crazy. inbox missed.
Oh, yeah. Like what
I got a woman who is married. And she was like, she never she might check. Like, because I have a lot of post watchers. I don't care about that. A lot of people get mad because people look at they posted don't check. Like, I don't care. You see me.
But she she finally admitted that she watches me and she loves me. And you know, but she say I really need some more pointers on how to get him because I really think that if I don't get this right, my husband's gonna leave me seriously.
So I was like, Oh, my God. If I tell her wrong, he's gonna leave. You know. So I I said, Oh, my God. So I I did tell her. But then I did come out with the phrase that you got to enjoy or like it? He said, Yeah, he knows when I'm not
into it. Every time you suck.. Your thought is my marriage is on the line here
that you're not gonna be good. I told her. I say relax. You know, I gave her the vice that I gave her. And she thanked me. Um, I don't know if that was the weirdest one. But it was the most surprising one. Um, is there a typical set of problems that people tend to come visit us all over the place?
more so problems. They have the relationship one of the women more so come for the relationship part. Um, men, women do too. But I think the main problem is
a woman not pleasing the man and the man not pleasing a woman. That's my biggest
intuition to know. They're not pleasing their partner. They keep choosing the same guy. They keep choosing the same guy, the same kind of person that's willing to just be do and not they're not comfortable with actually telling them. Why are you with someone that you're not comfortable and telling them. This is what I like while you together.
It's tough. That's why I know we need more honesty in the world. And I think people like me with the whole Odyssey. People get mad. But I just think I was looking at a community. We are comedian the other day. I love comedians, by the way. I love comedy.
My favorite. Oh,
well, I just saw this guy. What is Michael O'Shea was awesome. But, um, my fav what so many
I want to say Dave Chappelle,
I want to say talking about premature a second ago. And he has one of my favorites
of all time. So data, you know, it's like, all right, women, you know, and we argue y'all got it. y'all gotta stick to the are you gotta stick to what's at hand. You know, you can't be saying baby. Just do the dishes. He just take out the dishes. premature. Oh, baby. Ya gotta be seen. I don't even believe in that. When I come. It's right on time. It's such a good bit. I was in. But it's so good.
But it's by Kim and a few others. I'm
actually like I love Katt Williams. I'm
is is. is pleasing relationships.
I'm a therapist.
Oh, no, no, there's more going on. And that's what the relationship that's why I have to show call and relationship because somehow that whole confusion always meet back up to the part. I'm not saying that's the whole problem. But the communication to me starts with if you're able to tell somebody what you're like, if you're able to please somebody, you should be able to talk to them personally about what you like, what you don't like, or what's bothering the communication is the biggest thing that the whole world has issues with. And that's why it comes back to honesty. Because they're not being honest. I just say I think people foolish it. Sometimes nobody wants to be honest. So now your communication is all because now. Oh, I don't want to talk about it. Oh, this is a now you're not communicating. Because it's a lot easier to ignore the problem and, and not be honest. Cuz maybe you don't want to hurt somebody's feelings.
This is how I look at either hurt your feelings now, and you learn
or nobody hurt your feelings. And you never learn.
And that's where the whole communication comes in. I'm going to tell you, and you know what, I like to get it out. I sometimes I'm a little abrupt with it. But I said it. It's out. And I know you heard me but now I'm looking at you. That's what and now I'm Yes. And when you that's when you sit back and you observe. I'm a people watcher. So I'm gonna sit back. I gave you that knowledge. Now, I'm gonna see if you learned something. Are you willing to try to do it different? Or, you know, compromise?
Exactly. Nobody wants to do it. Whether it's the man and nobody, especially women, because they think they're compromising. Oh, I'm obeying. And I'm Oh my god. Yeah, that is a that's the part that I don't like. Because people look at compromise as a death wish.
But stop doing that. I think if both men and women know that they got to at some point compromise communication would be so much better.
can't really imagine a girl saying oh, I prefer like this. I mean, just thinking Mikey.
I call that selfish. I call it I call it selfish. Because this is how I I look at it. Compromise if I'm with a guy, and he likes doing it that way. And I hate doing that way.
Am I looking out for myself? Or the couple,
right? So am I willing to compromise something that he likes? Not saying that you got to bow down and do whatever it is, but meet them halfway. We're going to compromise. Okay, since you like it this way. I tell you, I'm gonna do this.
I'm gonna I'm gonna do it. You know, let me see if I like it with you. Because maybe what I did with the other person wasn't good. So now I'm doing I'm compromising. Because I want to communicate and I want it to be work. I want us to work on our communication. So okay, let me do some compromising. say he doesn't. Like
there's gonna be a lot of different things that, you know, couples don't like say he doesn't like something and say he likes something. He knows. I don't like it. And he's sitting there still willing not to make me happy. Or to make some type of sacrifice in the relationship to say, Okay, let me try and do it to make her happy. Or to do it better. Not saying that you're going to make yourself unhappy. But at least you try. At least you compromise and met her halfway. And then now you can say, Okay, this is the reason why or if you will do it every now and then. Like you said, I'll go ahead and do it because I compromise. But some people, they're so strong. Like, for instance, I used to give women this pop this, this, this whole scenario. You meet a guy, he's perfect hair is his body. Everything is perfect. Oh god. Oh, he loves this. Look at him. He loves this. Don't do it. tell you to do it. Your best friend. But say you meet a guy. perfect height. You know, just intelligent. All of that. You get into a relationship. You find out.
He chooses out.
He's a snore.
I'ma just give you two things.
Let me tell you how simple women are.
Just exactly all of those things. I'm gonna tell you how weird women are. And that's why you say that we're this way. Because a lot of times women don't know what they want. And I'm going to say it and that's controversial. A lot of times we don't. But once you do, so I got women. If I put up a post and tell you this is great guy. He does this. He does all of this.
Would you marry him? Would you be with him? There are some women say no. I can't be with a man that snores every night. But you got the perfect man. He's good to you. financially. He supports you. He's all these things.
those things you just cannot stand. That's when the compromise come in. Are you willing to lose maybe you're so may or great guy because of that. Or you're going to just say
that's a compromise. I'm going to compromise with that. Because at some point just because you snore and do all of that. I'm not gonna leave you a lot of women would.
That's not nice at all.
nobody wants to see what's working. Is it worth it?
Also, again, this kind of takes away from element of compromising. But I would just like to add, you can work on snoring and you can
work on it. But there's so many superficial people that are gonna say, No, I don't like it. They're not going to compromise. And that's what I'm saying.
Literally perfect. Partner out there. Some
tools. Some women aren't just so picky. They would not date a guy. Listen, if you're short. I'ma tell you. I feel bad for the short guy. Because there are 90% women in the world would not date you because of your height.
That's it. I need him to I want him I want him to pick me up. Mind you. There's not they're not my size. I want him to be able to pick me up and do this. And toss me and you know he has to have Sansone this car. And this, all of these things, all of them. There are women out there who has the perfect guy right now sitting single and waiting.
Probably the perfect guy. But he's just short.
You see. So nobody, that's men and women. We're not going to compromise it's gonna come up What woman who really thinks that her ideal man has to be a height are going to compromise on a great man that walks into their lives. And he's short
when I'm talking to the girl. And you know, like, we just start talking. Usually I do it mostly a joke. But there's an element of realism in there. Let's say we're talking to the bars. And like that, inevitably, they say, oh, what do you do? My answer 9% of time. Oh, girl. I work at 711 on the system manager just to see how they react. Just Oh, I get like 10 minutes later. It's like, oh, by the way.
Manager. I think I've met guys have done that. Just
because if they are legitimately
he works at 70. You know, how many would just okay, whatever. Don't know anything else about? Yeah,
I had a date one time I didn't know he had money or anything.
I'm trying to figure out what he told me where we met at. I don't know where I was with my girlfriends. And he just walked up, talk to whatever. So all the time, these girls are looking at what car he's getting in. You know, he had faded out BMW or something.
I forgot what he told me was, but I did look at him because my friends are looking at him to see what kind of guy he wasn't a bad looking guy. But something that he said, kind of like a quick moment, turn me off. I think it was something he said he does. I don't know what it was. So I was like, Okay, I'll give him a number, whatever. But it's just whatever. You know, I may not be attract, you know, you know, he was attractive. But it was not like, there was no connection or whatever. And I think like a couple of days later, I didn't call him but he called me you know, you want to go on a date. So, you know, I never really got to know this guy. Let me come out of date.
He sends a driver
I say, okay, okay.
Okay. And that's when I knew that this person. Oh, no, I just say this. When I go out just to see what type of warm I'm getting. So you did the same sit. But I did it out like outlet. I didn't say Oh, you're beneath me. But it was some corny thing that he said. And at that time, I'm just dating. I used to call it serial dating. I hate thing, by the way. And
it's exciting. But
you know what it is? I think I was never
I don't know what I would call it. But I was never the one I didn't like to get
like, when you're dating somebody. You gotta get to learn them and all those things. And then you start thinking, What's the difference? Oh, this is not gonna work. Because Because I put that wall up. So when I date, I just need to know that you're fun. You're open. You're free spirit. We can go have fun. And we can go on these types of days. But after that, I did what I don't like the whole calling me every day. And it's just certain things about dating, dating with the intention of finding a relationship. Never.
Well, that's good. Because I have some friends to do that in that and that's really
I try to do my own thing.
Yeah, we have a fun okay, at least he know how to jet ski. We haven't. I love the company. And that's what it but once it starts getting serious, and I wasn't looking at you like that, but not saying it could turn into that. Because sometimes you're gonna find that person that's gonna take you off your fee. You'd be like, maybe this could work. But mentally I don't go out on a date. Or I don't be like, Oh, I'm going out. He could potentially be the one. If it happens. You're good. But if it doesn't happen, it wasn't like a big letdown then I feel like okay, I'm going on every single day just to see if I'm going to find that guy. That's a lot of work and women stop going to your first dates. Stop telling a man
what is it that what kind of woman you like, and what is it that you like, or what kind of man you don't like? Because I particularly find that when men learn women and they're good at it. Some men are very good at it. They can be the person you want them to be I want you to naturally be yourself so I intentionally don't say certain things I intentionally say I'm not a poet because I've gotten so many dates on she's she's so I've never used to try to date people that were in my venues like a person that walks them The Corning line I get is that true about what you said I hate that line because everything you do you really is everything to to you do that without a conversation is that yeah we got conversation I'm having with you. So it's a big turn off. But did you got women at a sit there until that man look, if we're not if you're not thinking marriage, and is on a first date. If you're not thinking marriage, I want this and I will that you just literally scared the person away. He's not coming back.
You You made it uncomfortable. Now, if that's something what you're you were looking for. Make it your attention. Like, yeah, I enjoy dating. But eventually. That's why I say people are not honest with themselves. Because a lot of times women find out all these perfect things about a guy but you don't know if he wants to get married. You don't know if he likes kids, especially the ones that don't mention a don't have kids. You know,
something else. I noticed that changed about my mentality after I got past the whole
it used to be four in this almost only really changed recently in the past year.
Oh gosh, it really grown in the past two years.
It used to be that when I went on a date, the main thought in my mind was Gosh, I hope she likes now when I go on a date, I don't care. The main thought my mind is Gosh, I hope I like her.
It should be that way is so much better. Because then you're gonna start pretending. But
I think girls naturally think that way. I think y'all usually. Come on y'all start dating thing, man. I hope he like
I hope I like this guy. Or, or you got the women. You got women that say I hopes like me, because you know why? Because some some women don't think they're good enough. Or some people don't. Some women don't have that self assurance. So sometimes they need a guy to say I like them or be with the guy to say, Oh, they really really like me. So in their mind, the first thing they're thinking I wouldn't think like me, me. I don't think like that. Because like I said, I'm being myself. That's like I said, I'm being myself. I can we now all the ones that not interested to me interesting to me. I can win all that because I'm gonna be crazy. I'm going to be this. I just have. I have flaws. I have this and I'm gonna just let it all hang out. Let me see if he can deal with that. Nothing. I'm horrible. But I'm just saying. I'm not gonna sit there. And
I want I'm not gonna say if he likes me. So I'm not gonna do this. Because the one thing he's gonna say, Oh, I don't like women. That does that in your mind already. Oh, I'm not gonna do that. But what if you did do that? You know,
funny when I noticed his girls that will like, not order a big me on hunger. Yes.. They want to get a burger. But they get a salad. Is it?
You said, Listen, it used to be that way. And I think a few women are still doing it. But then I've gotten this. This new wave. It's like, they're not scared anymore. Now the thing now they're eating everything.
You're That's it? Man. If you're with a man and you order a big juicy, and he's like, What the are you doing? You got your answer? Not going to
say exactly. Why is he worried about me eating a burger? Yeah, yeah.
Let me ask you this. How do you personally decide? Or how would you recommend to clients on how to decide when to have? Because
first data, you've heard it wait till a fair bit what's the other day and I'm going to be completely honest with you. And this is something I should probably shift is when I see a girl and we're clearly very attracted to one another. And we clearly both win at each other, but sometimes we'll do this. Oh, I have to wait to the third day. For whatever reason. Maybe she doesn't want to seem like a. Or she just been taught that I hate that. I hate that so much. And it's not even cuz I like to care because of that. It's like, you're not thinking for your self.
I've had this conversation. I did not believe in a 90 day rule. I don't believe in no rules. Oh,
what's this name?
Steve Harvey wrote a book. Um, yeah, I'm a reader. So I it's just a little book. I read it real quick. No, because he you know what I he made it from his male point of view. And there are men that think like him. But when you ask a woman to think like a man automatically, now you're playing a role. So what I say in that I tell women, if you want to have with a guy on the first day, your chemistry is flowing. You got your obviously feeling each other? Go ahead.
Because the reason why I say this is because automatically before you got to know this person, you've already you've already conditioned your mind to say, no matter what, I'm not going to sleep with this person. Now. You're not being yourself. It all comes back to being yourself. That's why I said that. I don't have any hang ups. I just think that men, you guys made it horrible for women to sleep with you guys on the first day.
Yes. And you go back and tell your friends you scored. Remember that comes back up.
So now women think we should be holy, we should be dainty and not seem like we're slept. So whatever. So I'm not going to have with him for three days or four days. But guess what? He could still leave.
And it's it's funny. I have noticed it. Because women have this interesting point of view that I've heard a couple times. Oh, it was like a quick playing the bartender, the bouncer. Whatever. Yeah,
that says them. It goes back to them dating and picking in in and being picky about who they want to be with. But they're not being honest. There's superficial. Why isn't the bartender good enough? What is what's wrong with them. They never gave it a chance. So now you got women walking around. He has to be this height. He can't work in parts. And he has to make six figures or he has to do there are women out there like that. So now they're single still because they're still out there dating and it gets boring. Now you're out here looking for that perfect guy for them.
But its personality is checked up. He doesn't do all the things you like. But because he fit that image that you were looking for. Okay, I'm gonna stay with him. Now. You're miserable. But you got that good looking guy that everybody thinks Oh my god. But inside or outside. But inside. He's
done inside. He's a jerk. He's this. He has no manner. He doesn't open doors for you. He doesn't do any of that. None of that. But because he's the image of what you want it he got the job. He has the height look, but and that's why a lot of women they settle in a bin end up being unhappy. Side note.
Do you know how far opening doors for girls.
That's why I say you're a smart kid. And I hate saying kid. You're 22. And you know that there are some men
in a grown men. Like most guys don't open the door. So when I find a guy that opens the door I might shed he got some nurse or he's a gentleman that the little things that's not a big thing to me. Because I've always but the little things I'm like oh my god. And it's funny because they're laughing like what? And then I know some women that would tell a man oh I got it. I'm open the door. Oh my god. Let this man be a man like really? Because you're so independent. You can't have a guy open your door
dad is telling me a story about how he had always like women's studies professor and call it is that like as as feminist is one can get in. I think I'm a little night. She was a she's walked into the building. And he's gentlemen. He's taught me to open doors to advice that Thank you. He open the door for her. She got off. She said. How dare you open the door for me. I'm an independent woman, you know. And he said, What? open doors for men to. And then as walked right in. Wow, this
guy opens doors for everybody
to three years. And he still opens my door and say, don't just do it on the first day.
Exactly. And you know what? I said? You know what? I have to say consistency. I think women
you should learn this consistency. We got to remember you start off relationship you did you do certain things. And then all of a sudden, oh, he doesn't buy me flowers anymore. He doesn't open doors anymore. He doesn't do this anymore. Because he did all the work to get you but then you never challenged you. Come on
treating you that way
you got comfortable. I'm not saying that. I demand that. But I'm that queen. And I'm like I deserve it. So that's how you have to think about it. Not that you're making somebody do that I deserve for him to steal open my doors. I'm a good woman.
That's how I look at. I think that men fail to understand that. Like when you open a door for a girl. She's going to take it and internalize that in that small door opening you do is one to pay Yes. He's going to bring positive feminine energy is yes. It will balance your out. Like oh, you open a door. Good job. This girl is going to make your day when your day is.
Exactly door cuz you just open the door. You know,
it's funny. I always I always you're like, Oh, I'm my woman's not having a really good job. It's so easy to make you guys happy it is so so you know. Want
it. You know what? I don't think it's as complicated as men make it out to see because you know what makes it to be. I think that men have already said the fact that women are difficult because remember, you're dealing with different types of personality. It's who you attract. So if you're saying that they're difficult maybe this is not the person for you. Why is it so difficult we just want time and attention
and even if you gave us some time we're good go do you but most men and most women in their marriages the man he makes all the money he takes care of the home because you know why in his mind oh she happy cuz I'm taking care hunch I bought this Mercedes on but and all we want it with some attention and time you're doing all this just not to give us the simple thing that we want it
and I understand you if you if you're a hustle. And you're you're working to maintain all of this, don't get lost in the fact. Yeah, I get you. I know you got to work to have this stuff. But don't get lost in translation with the whole I got to work in order to be happy. No, we need some type of content. We still need to have this together thing even if it's for a brief moment. But your day in day out, you're doing the same thing. You're not paying attention. And all we're whining about is some time or can you wash the dishes sometimes or I'm not saying that you want to hear some of the best relationship advice I've ever gotten him.
Oh, gosh. What is this very familiar with the way of the superior man David data
advice? Okay. But I'd say the one small piece of advice he gave me that completely changed how I approach relationships. If you're dating woman and you'll start fighting will start fighting about something. Whatever it is taking out the trash to the disease. And there are exceptions. Sometimes y'all are fighting about an issue. It's about the issue. But 95% of the time you're fighting about an issue it's not about the issue. It's because you're well
so if you're willing to take out the trash
is not about
getting upset about that. say, look, baby,
I love you.
Just soften my up.
Just soften. Listen, just soften listen just soften her as right up that is awesome advice because I think men get into the the the real issue is that about the dishes in the garbage and all that and they never want stop and think like she needs some attention. Let me just say this let me just say this because she just frustrated right now at this point. Like oh my god, you're not paying me no attention. You don't want to do this. And you're still doing the same thing.
We just all of that even if the woman is aware that you just love you. Like a lot of times it's subconscious but like you can't expect women to come and say hey look I'm not being lovable enough I want attention that's not how that's not little community.
Like it comes out in other ways.
It's be such such silly things like really, really silly things before you know
I've done it before. So I know that's a good that's a good
that's a good one. I remember reading that and I was in kind of a relationship at the time relationship ended up ending but after that, I try to experiment with it.
he gets me like that all the time.
All the time. I say You make me sick and then I can laugh
because he did that
and you but he got me
man. You want to know my biggest my biggest secret open so many doors is one is actually once even more impressed. Oh, yes. It on a table. Pull the chair out. Haha.
I get that. That's awesome. Yeah. Oh, God. The way Yeah, I know.
So when you establishment, everybody's looking. He puts cheering you're like,
Oh,. What the? y yo.
Pull my hair out. And you can see the look on their face. They're not looking like, huh? Okay. Oh, he's showing out. We see. You know, or some people with that. Oh, my concept is so awesome. Yeah, one thing
that we mostly did this as a joke just to embarrass my mom. But anytime a woman used to leave the table we would like everybody
to set up meet me
and my family did that's my mom. And my mom is the sweetest whenever she just doesn't really like attention.
Oh, that like,
it's like, we love you. But also like, we're gonna try to embarrass you a little bit. Like, stand up. And like, we all stand up. And we'd like do it. Obviously. We're like, we wouldn't stand all the way up. Because that's how they used to do this.
Yeah. down to like this. Almost like to say, so. Take a woman standing. And she did like
says that women. Yes. She don't like to attention. She don't like it. But that's cute. I love it. But yeah, that's a good one. You're gonna you're gonna be a winner. So open those doors. Sue the argument. He looked great today. Beautiful compliment. It doesn't take that much. I just think people make it like such a big deal.
Get your girl some flowers. Right? Her spend 10 minutes right. Listen, she will almost cry. I swear to God. I every every little
What? I call them every little thing that he does. I make sure I baby it's the little things. I'm so emotional. Because he did my it's the little things men don't realize it's those little things like just one day. I just do it. Not because of whatever. It's just because
if I got something to say flowers and what I will post you know what this is just because not because it's a holiday. Not because it's my birthday. Women love that. Because there's no now if you do it, they think it's a pattern and you're doing it. They're like, are you just doing that because we had an argument or he just doing that because we're that we're not going to take light of that. We're going to be like, okay, whatever. But out of the blue. Those little things go a long way. Because then even if he's being that joke, or that whatever we can kind of like, You know what? I know he's he's good. And he's just, you know, we Yeah, just like women. When we you know, get our menstrual What have we have those times were unbearable. I think men have those times too. You're just not labeled. But you have your days. Oh,
yeah. Yeah, yeah, just being that person that particular time of the week, month, whatever. But everybody has those times. But those little things we can go back. And one thing I would say is to make sure that if you are doing those little things, and be honest with yourself, because there are a lot of men are like pro
right? You ain't doing. So if you're being honest with yourself, and you're being observant, and you really are putting forth the effort and you're getting her flowers and you're doing all that you're pulling up to all the little things in the girl doesn't appreciate it.
She not the one she not the one she's not the one I have a lot of female who gets done those things. But there's so no. So up in the air and not being grateful. They don't focus on the whole entire relationship. Because at that time the man is filling that he's at his in with this whole thing. So my
this this dude's creative eat like okay, he taught me this one right, your girl sweet little love notes. But then don't give them to her. hide them like oh,
that's poor to
him this note and like the girls like sugar jar and she doesn't even really eat sugar. So she found that like two months later. Oh my God,
when it comes to sugar. I love coffee. So the next day or that morning
was awesome. But I was telling them like listen, if I did that to the girl I was dating at the time. Not only would she freaked the out she would tell all of her friends about it.
Oh I'm gonna tell everybody who's her mind and I said How did she react to it? He's like yeah she said she appreciated it I'm like Get the out
and hit love No No
She said it was I like
in the sugar issues like well she wrote me back I'm like like she didn't
get it's not it that's not
it like to be losing her no sugar dirt that's a wrap
this will be a picture I'm on faith I'm telling mom sister Can you believe in the world knows that my
left a note in the sugar died out of nowhere you know it's good you're telling people that because you're raising the bar raising the bar for other guys and they go on Facebook and they see Alex let the
summer man a lot oh he showed out so I'm gonna be like huh I gotta do bad not
even showing out
I don't think so. I just think some people who are not getting it done who are not stepping in a barber who are not there yet feel some type of way but then in the back of their mind they gotta know that they got to step their game up and some do But like I say you have some men who think
I shouldn't be doing all that
yeah to have a woman and and it's funny cuz you know my brothers like oh well she wrote me a note back and I'm like well not really because men and women express themselves to totally different a woman like okay there's a reason that we give women flowers and not the other way around is because women love flowers men don't really good
I love flowers
enjoy is positive feminine energy and love and that's
what y'all are good. I when you we give you flowers and that are exchanging that for energy. You give us back and I said that's what you should be giving you you should feel like you should be getting Bambi is he he should be put on a pedestal she should do something special like you said she'll be bragging about it but writing a note back that wouldn't have not been my reaction now on the right I don't need to write it's just you did this
you did this I have posted certain things like that like he would do things he's good at that
raising the bar yeah so let me ask this other than leaving
what would you say is the number one piece of advice you would give to a successful oh why you gotta say number one one of the best How do you have an amazing relationship with the P
I'm talking to each other you know some couples don't
that see men don't like the towel
they don't like to talk
now because I find that I mean it doesn't have to be about any particular thing but then you're you're really genuinely into that person you really want to know if you're happy what's on your mind you know how do you feel what's your next step like we're in tune with each other like he's asking me what happened conversation I'm him making me laugh just that oh he knows I love to that so if you're being a complete idiot I love you
just a couple a Eddie Alice's.
Everybody look alike. Yeah, this is
good. So we're buddies. me know. I, you gotta be able at I think that the communication you're talking you're, you're getting to your learning about each other. Because always something to learn. I don't think you learn a person completely. Not even in two or three years. There's always something a lot of people don't realize that communication is a skill.
It's interesting. People have this idea, like, Oh, I can get good at tennis. Or, oh, I can get good at writing poetry. But for some reason, when it comes to people's people skills in general. I know people skills communication, and maybe like if you're a man, because I've always tell my male friends this like, bro, you can get better at talking to girls. I know it sounds crazy. You can. But there's this pervasive image that you either come into the world and you're charismatic and you're good girls. or you're not. If you're not, you're. And you better get drunk and figure it out. You know, it's it's, but it's weird. Everyone thinks the same thing. You know, you can keep better time you get better talking in general, you can get better at
because now you're out there. And you're speaking with different women. Now, you know what kind of conversations to bring up? Um,
um, I don't remember his tactic. He has. He's a great conversationalist. So he loves meeting people he loves going out. But he has this was that rule that you have
about you x and where they're from,
it says just the thing, you do a format. And it gets better when you're, you're meeting different people. But it's always, you know, hey, my net your introduce yourself and ask them what they do.
It's a good format, it's a it's a good form, I can't explain it as good as he can. But you can get better because I think over the years of communication and meeting people and getting to know them, just those questions that he acts are just like a format. It's like an open book for a person to be able to, you know, you can get to know person. And then now you're interested in not just there being sitting there with no compensation because, you know, you could get awkward sometimes when you don't know what to say, you're sitting there and what kind of conversation or strike up and whatever, I just find it that it's easier talking to some people and not in the person that you're, they're not easy to talk to, they should use that format. But also, they can get awkward, but one thing I would recommend is don't pull stuff out of your just for the sake of it. Because that's something that I actually struggled with. When I first started seeing girls. Like when I was on a first date. I'm so scared of the silence. Oh, my God. Sounds will come up. Oh, no, you got to break that.
And you just got it man. Especially to do just chill,
chill. You know,
that's the main work. And then also just say, especially if you've been talking for the past couple minutes, have this expectation. Be like you're going to talk or something. Yeah. Because, you know,
I was kind of a dance monkey for a while. I would just talk and talk and talk and be like, Oh, you know, so funny. I made her laugh. And then they're just be No, no, because girls are not attracted to you. When talk there. Even if what you're saying is very interest. You can't be talking too much like they are attracted when they feel comfort with you.
Right. But if you're in and the guys just sitting there just talking about himself a big turnout just like in general, just everything about him just mean I this and I, you know, I got this and I got this business over here. Not once. They said so what is it that you do or how was your day something to break that but I think a lot of people get lost in
it's almost like an interview of telling this person all about themselves, not having the time to sit and and take in what they're saying. And then be able to ask the question on top of you talking about yourself. So now the the conversation and sideways now you got this man just telling you because he's boasting about what he got and what he can do. And you're like, Oh, my God, like you said, it could be so interesting. But after that, you're like, Really? You're about yourself. You know, you haven't even asked Me the Yummy. asked me what I do. And you know, so you should also
one other small ship that I've made it very interesting. Change my communication rather than asking a question to someone and say, Oh, I'm like, are you religious? What is something you believe in? say, you know what, you look like a very spiritual person. It has put, like, an assumption out there. You don't have some dumb. No, don't do that. But I find it makes the conversation like try to make more statements.
Yeah. And then you can learn what name you know, how do you truly think, especially when it comes to those type
that in. And this is something that the podcast the number one tip I do for communication is take a genuine interest.
And this is something that I'm a good friend Justin Brown. Tommy is when you're talking to someone figure out what you can learn.
Oprah will interview that the Dalai Lama, but what really taught him out interview because he you got to talk to Justin he's Oh my goodness. It he isn't the most charismatic man I've ever met Liz what he's telling me he'll see Oprah and he'll
he'll be talking to like this little girl about eliminating this girl
and she will be as interested in this little girl with her lemonade stand and how she got successful as he is with Obama. You know, where the Dalai Lama and she listened. She listened. And she's truly interested at night. And I like learning from people. I like when you can teach me something. Something? I don't know.
they got they got something. So I'm generally gonna listen to you. But like I said, goes out the window. When it's just all about you. Then now it becomes like, want long, long, okay, change the subject. You know, what? Are you teaching me? What are you showing me? You're just telling me about yourself. Now, the compensation is like one end, you know, one sided? I mean, so yeah, that's a good one. You've got some good advice.
you keep saying that. But for 22, you've, you've learned a lot enough to have our lesson enough to have a great relationship at this point. Because at least you're compromising. You can't just like you said, if you had did the whole note and flower thing with your girl who you broke up with. You knew how she would have acted with that. But you're growing and you're learning and I think people should take that from relationships, learning it's a learning experience to get hurt bad depending on if you didn't, you know, making but Oh, lice. Let's it's a lesson my marriage. It was it was it taught me how to be the woman that I am today. Because I couldn't be you get what I'm saying. So now when you grow because I was so young and I grew within a relationship. I knew what I wanted. I knew what I didn't want, what advice would you give to somebody?
Yeah, that healing process, I think when you're going through that, I think you need to step back and analyze that analyze your relationship. Because sometimes what people do is they tend to blame the other person and just
take themselves out.
But you got to sit back, you got to look in the mirror, you gotta look at yourself. I'm not necessarily saying what you did was wrong. But then you gotta think about and analyze
the other person.
Why did he do that a lot of females, they burn themselves. But a lot of times, if there isn't an enclosure, then you got to look at yourself, you got to look in the mirror, and then you got to find out more about yourself, it's gonna hurt it's going to take sometimes it's easier sometimes for one, because a lot of times when we just cried out there, done
it take a little time and they get over it. And then they get out there. I just wouldn't advise you to take more time with yourself. If you've gone through a bad relationship. Do not Do not start another relationship. Because all you're doing is taking that negative energy that you have from before thinking that you can change it thinking that you knew what went wrong. Without even evaluating yourself.
You're actually Okay, you're alive to go and release whatever it is. But there should not be a full blown companionship type relationship. You should not be jumping into you're not rebounding. A lot of people, you don't date they have issues and they meet the part of it. But if you can't, and I don't think a lot of women can separate the two because we're more
you know, we're givers cares. You know, we're that nurturer, where that person but that's why I tell women in the breakup to get to know yourself. What are you selling for? What is it that you you didn't like about what you did? Were you being yourself, sometimes you got to sit, sit back, re evaluate your life and who you are and continue being that person so that you'll be much stronger from whatever lessons you've learned from the previous relationship. You don't necessarily have to bring that to the other one. Okay, you've been hurt. Maybe he did you wrong, but not every man. It's like that automatically. When you sit there and say All men are like, and then you get another relationship. That means that you're not gonna even sure you're not gonna even sit there and say, What were you doing? What is it about you not, again, not blaming you, but you got to take time for yourself. Give yourself time to heal, mentally. Just sit there, meditate, do all the things that you like. And you know what, in that process, you might end up finding who the person is for you. Because now you're so into yourself. You can go out and have dinner by yourself. You can go do these things you're so into learning who you are, and being okay with that, that you're not worried about. If that man likes you for who you are. The right man will like you for your night. I hate this. Oh, praying. And oh, I hope you don't have to do that. It'll come to you. Your energy sends that out into the universe. But like I said, if you're miserable, and you're jumping from relationship, it's just gonna be horrible
through a breakup and I assume everyone's going through a breakup me that feeling I would do anything at the time. I would do anything in the world.
It's the worst feeling ever. Man,
I would suck a broken glass.
is horrible. It's so bad.
But when I look back at the really bad breakup breakups, I've had every single one of them that is when the most growth has happened in my life bar.
is nothing else that has given me the emotional leverage, I need to go out.
but that breakup will give you so much it will ground you it was set you back down. And that's why I say now you have a chance to take a look at yourself. And at the same time you learn something,
you might sit back and say, Oh, my kind of guy, you know, and in the pain and all that it was about side because now you're you're taking the time to learn about yourself.
Well, it makes you reevaluate who you are. Exactly. So breakups are hard for two reasons. In my opinion. One, you're losing that person, right? And you like that person, that person was awesome. That person providing a lot of companionship, that person's gone. Now that's hard. It's hard. Most people focus on but there's actually something deeper going on the most people don't realize when you're in a relationship, you see yourself through the eyes of your partner. Hmm. So let me give an example. Let's say you're a musician, right? You play guitar man, he started seeing this girl Oh, baby was such a good musician. Oh, my God is play to me all night long baby. I love when you play guitar, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That girl now validates or self image as a successful musician. So not only she bring your own qualities into the really awesome. She is validating your own self image. So when you break up with that person. Oh,
oh, yeah. I don't doubt that part. It's hard. Not every breakup. It's good. That feeling is horrible. But like you said,
I don't know if it's a real way to forget about it. But you can get past it. And it's through growth, like you said, but like I said, Now you got to sit back and take a look at yourself. And I think when you're sitting there doing that, it gets better with time. And then like you said, you can look back and say, oh, gosh, I was horrible or that person wasn't even worth my time, then you're going to see that person for who they really are,
you look back and think was a
tire for that whole entire relationship. So it's it hurts It hurts so much in the beginning, but then you got to think about it was like he wasn't even worth it. Like that's because it's Grove now you're looking at yourself and what you liked and what you didn't like and what went wrong. And if I could have done this different but you did it with that person and it didn't work so now you got to re evaluate yourself and that's why I say a lot of people are not honest with themselves they always want to be what that person want them to be but then never taken time to see who they really are. And being okay with it because you have a lot of insecure people so even if they find out who they are they're like oh I don't want to be that person I want to change but no matter what you are that person and it's somebody for everybody you might you might not have that person before who you had that bad breakup who likes that about you but there's some girl out there that loves that about you you get what I'm saying so but it takes time I don't think there's a real hahaha such a turn off you know I think our he done a story like that but I just think there's no real answer of how to really get over a breakup but to to be in tune with yourself but to to learn who you are and what you really want it's not easy but you will get over it
yeah like I said there's tips to like I said don't move on sit back look at yourself reevaluated and then look at the kind of person you were with like what's he good for me was it you know how did he make you feel you know he or she How did they make me feel? Is it is it just me that needed some work or both of them both of us need at work you know it depends but there's just that's only tip I can give you there's really no way to say okay if you do this you'll get over it quick there's there's no way it depends on the person may I find
you know what i'm i'm gonna try but but I always say that you can lose yourself in a relationship so depending on how long you've been lost that's why I say step back and think about who you are and if that was really what you want it or you just went with the flow or is it with some Did you just lose yourself because the happens you lose yourself but then sometimes you got to shake loose and like okay wait happy myself let me come back this is the person who he really liked now your change and you conformed into this relationship because you're lost yourself and the things that he used to be interested in you're not that anymore You know I'm saying so now you off balance
you know I did after my last breakup and that helped me a lot was interesting.
Very weird reaction me and my buddy back home decided to do something holding perfection challenge I'm actually got to do with
myself. So there's this this thing we came up with. Here's what it was. So you had to wake up first thing in the morning every single morning. Ice Cold Shower straightaway hated
ice cold showers. Okay, let's see what this guy
tried to do that. Yeah. To
have a strict ketogenic diet for raw
absolutely no. unproductive 30 days.
masturbation no drugs or alcohol of any kind.
So single one of those criteria, you had to start the entire challenge over. So you wake up in one day, you didn't talk to people or one day you
Let me tell you at the end of those 30 days,
yes, it was
is such a
present. They got me so because I think a lot of people tend to turn to drinking and things like that. And that's
opposite of drinking. You know, I tried to get as present as I possibly could. And that allowed me to just let's just deal with it.
I think that that would that's a good idea that way. It's not that's what I was gonna say. The Internet some people need that
like taking cold showers. salary, Sam, you doing? All right, man. I know.
They thought you were crazy. They go through. What does she do?
That is great. That is a great idea. Because now you and again, you're getting to know you here again. Yes, you focused on yourself. You focused on learning and getting to know other people. So now you're not in that little box, that hurt box that you were sitting in. But the meditation is everything. I started this some months back. I mean, not that I I never used to. But I didn't do it as often. And I had to learn to put certain energy out in the air. So that's why I would meditate because meditation is for you. It's almost like a little brief cleanse. And before you go send yourself out there. So I like to do 1520 minutes. It doesn't even take that long.
Um, my meditation is spiritual,
it's for me,
it clicked. I'm the type of person My mind is going, Oh,
just racing. So if I don't sit back, yes. And it's crazy. Because then I'm up thinking like, this is what, but you have to calm yourself down, because that would drive you nuts. So that's where the meditation comes from. Let me just block out all my thoughts. Let me focus on what I want. And who I am. I'm this, you know, the five things and meditation I am successful. I am. So you sit, you do your mantra, I am loved. I am everything else to be out. So that's my process. And meditation, quiet, my meditation music, I completely sit there for five minutes and not say anything, not speak, not anything. And then that's when I will put the energy out. Not saying it. You know, mentally I'm saying I don't. Sometimes I don't like to speak out loud when I'm meditating. So So then I'm sitting there, then I'm getting I'm coming back, it relaxes me. It gets my day going. It gets me a little more focused. Because I'm add sometimes I'm all over the place. And because we have the same side we're always all over the place. We're just like, we got to do this where we're free fit we got to do so that's the only thing that calms me down. That's the only thing that brings me back to being the person that I am so I can continue being that because if I wasn't I'll go crazy is because now I'm thinking about what's on the internet. I'm thinking about what's going on in the world. I'm thinking about the future i'm doing i gotta focus on myself because I want to live longer look grey I want you know, you know, not look like I've been through hell
I have stories but but thank you thank you. And that's what I want. I want people to see that not see you know where I come from all the things that I've experienced in life and I've experienced a lot and I don't want them to see that and just because you've gone through some things don't mean you gotta look like it
interest that's powerful people don't really believe in it. Yeah a lot of people think oh, these
people just tend to just turn away from it before they even say oh meditation that's not for me if that's your thought process listen I
say that all the time that's like somebody saying oh I don't like so certain amount of food certain type of food and never tried it yeah okay try to I'll try it
say is like when you try it you gotta keep going so meditation we first do it is the hardest
hard is because now you're learning to focus so now you're sitting there trying to empty out your brain not trying to think of all these things now is the hardest thing is how do I do that so in the beginning it was hard for me like I said my mind's always racing that's I call myself a vampire I'm always up it's and I hate saying this because it freaks people out but almost on the clock three o'clock in the morning I get a call that a witching hour I don't know why. witching hour back in the day. I know I'm not a which I probably Empire. I I say that because I literally think I aged backwards
in the sun. I hate it. But hey, I've learned to meditate. But yeah, so why I get up is because my thoughts everything is racing doing day, I'm thinking about what I gotta do tomorrow, or what I got to do next week. What's show I got coming up what I you know, where I got to travel to what I gotta do. And it's not about I'm not focused on me anymore. It's just the things that I have to do. But then I have to keep a solid, you know, spirit, a solid mind to be able to function, right? Because sometimes when I'm doing all this, I go out and I'm doing too much I accept. I will upset Jon Snow, so many things. And I think about it, why am I doing it. It's I'm all over the place. So sometimes I got to sit back. And I got to not be like that. You got to take time for yourself into think things out before you actually do it. Not saying that you can do that all the time. But a brief moment of meditation will give you some sense of you know where I'm going, what I got to do without the unnecessary craziness going on in your head. Like, I gotta do this, because I got to make this another all you have to come yourself. Sometimes
meditation is the only thing I can think of. That legitimately changes your outlook on everything. It's funny. I had to go get my visa extended this morning. Right. And it's basically the equivalent of a DMV, we've we've got, we went to Laos, actually, not a whole lot of
a couple of weeks ago. You
so you got a couple of weeks. But yeah, it's crazy. They call it the zoo. You wait in line.
Yeah. Is there this morning?
Stop is quick. I got my ticket. And yeah,
know it you can get to the prom and it can extend it 30 days. Oh, you
got this tension. Okay. So anyway,
I was sitting there. I've been sitting there for like half an hour, and I started a little salty.
And this is just something meditation. Tommy is like this. This is good.
I have another
I've gotten better. I my patient was so hard when you write meditation did teach me to be a little more patient to not be so
quick is you know, at first it was like goodness, teach me patients but it goes beyond that. It makes it almost justifiable. It's like why am I so unhappy?
waiting to get down and what exactly what is the big deal? What am I really doing here? I'm sitting here I'm chillin gotta be somewhere
just chill the do I need to do so badly like that? You cannot sit there and say you're trying to get extension to be where you are like, what is the big deal
in fact in fact
I could be working my off right now I could be digging ditches I'm sitting in a chair and I fried rice on the way
listen if we know that's how it's gonna be. Bring a book to something and bring someone with you I don't know whatever it is that don't don't be upset though
it's interesting meditation is also made me talking about the importance of communication earlier
and girls especially pick up on that when you're sitting there president you're listening
and you legitimately
listening you like oh my god he heard he heard me
how does want to attract higher quality partners in their life and I think the advice
unless you have some general advice you want to give so just because I'm selfish for me as to how
attracts higher quality women in Islam
so what recommendation if a man to a trick higher quality of women
well is it
see that's coming from man
location you're right location
where this location where you meeting this person?
Yeah, I'll have to say location where you meeting this person? Like what type of person and where you're meeting them? Did you pick her up at a bar? Did you pick her up in a library or whatever so I think it's where you're meeting I would think that's how you do it and I would say not to be so superficial
because a lot of men I know that you're mostly attract on the outer before you get to the editor
it's tough This is how I am I feel like
you can be attractive but that's not my number one thing
but you got to be comfortable enough for me to be in your presence or to be out with you you can't be this unfortunate looking face person and me be uncomfortable yeah I hate I people knows I hate the word ugly I tend to use it sometimes the den I try not to use my so I say you have an unfair you have an unfortunate not so look you know this is a fortunate
that smile again. So,
but location. He's absolutely right. It's where you meet these women. It determines your class of women. I'm not saying all women that you meet your the bar is not. But then you gotta think about it. Why are you here? I met you at a bar. I don't care what that woman says.
You're at a bar. We are talking. You picked me up. We did this. We did that.
That shows what quality type of women that you're looking for. Now, if you're just there to have a good time, that's fine. But that's not what we're talking about. You're asking how to choose a up a higher quality woman. And you have to offer most ask yourself, what is it about her?
What is it about her? What are your standards? Because I can't speak for you? What standards do you have in a woman? What are you looking for in that person? Now, if you didn't like the fact that you met her at a bar or something, then it's it's about location. This is where you met her. But then you got to sit back and say, but why? Why am I interested? Is this the quality of woman that I need. And that's when you you have to set standards. And I'm not saying set the standards that there's so beyond oh my gosh, she has to have has this mad and she got it whatever you consider,
I think for how to sue. But anyway, that's besides the point. But um, you you cannot choose a
higher quality of woman based on a lot of the superficial things that you guys look at. And in that being a part of it. And how she looked. Sometimes they look at how you were raised. If If you want a certain type of quality and a woman on how you want your life to be. You have to see if she marries yours,
how she is with family. Is she good with kids if that's your thing. And then that's how you're choosing that that higher quality one because then now you're not going into it being very superficial about how she looks on the outside or if she has acids or whatever. But at the same time. I'm not saying to let that go. But you're never going to get a higher quality woman being that man that says okay, she has to be this way. She has to be good at this. What is it that you want her? What is it that you will? How do you want that woman to marry you to say that's a good partner. She's a good quality woman
when you said you have to set standards in the sense that I think it's incredibly important to step one before you do anything. You have to define what this dream girl is. Exactly, you know, I'll talk to guys are saying oh, I'm unhappy with this. This and that relationship or I'm want better girls. I said okay. Well, exactly. Break it down. What What is it that you want? And they get a little bit floored by the question. And then it is random. Generic
because they never thought about it. They never thought about
saying. Yeah, sit down and actually define what you want before you find what you want.
Exactly, exactly. And then that's why I say you have to stop and he has to stop it asked himself that what is how does she marry you? I gotta
let you go. I get the vibe from you that you are on your purpose. So
he read very well.
Not Bye bye. Get from a lot of people. In fact,
I think that's something that a lot of people.
So what I want to ask you is how did you find your purpose. Others do the same.
Me personally, how I found my purpose. I had to stop
thinking about everybody else. But myself.
I know we want to be better for other people. I know we want to
achieve certain things. But I had to in order for me to serve this purpose. I had to really know who I am and start focusing on myself. Because when you're an entertainer,
you're always focused on how people look at you or what they think about you. I mean, me, I care. But did I don't. But I had to stop it said this is my purpose. I'm going to stand ground. This is who I am. Like it or not. I had to stop looking out for everybody else, which I always do. I just want to make sure everybody's okay. I had to stop and start focusing on myself. Why am I here? What is my purpose?
What was I sit to do? Sometimes, you know what that passion is in sometimes the people that you know, but what I always look at it is that how I look back on and it was something that he said, Alex said was that when you're an athlete, when you're an entertainer, you're only as good as you are, is as how the people see you.
They might look at him and say, Oh, he's the best basketball player. That's because what people say,
How do you feel? So step, step back, figure out what's your purpose in life. And sometimes it does come to you sometimes the things that you've always done, and it's the things that I've always done that gave advice I teach, I don't want to be a teacher, as in a school teacher. But did you see this
I think so. Because as a child, my whole
thing was when I got that first radio, which I remember and first realizing that I heard MC Lyte That is so funny is the old rapper, and I will say, I'm good at that I could speak to people, I can write like that my sister was the first one to say, oh, you're good, or you're this and that I used to this was back in the day. And I'm older. This is back in the day, where we will write songs where we were right the we will write out the songs that we hear on the radio on a paper so that we can learn them and be cool in front of it. France, I did that I will write all the songs, give it to them, so they can learn it. And I got paid for it.
I will, I wrote the song and then in two days, they would memorize it, and I would do the same thing I want, right? And then I want memorize it. So I knew my purpose in life was to speak. That's why I got speaking from because I knew my whole purpose was to teach to say some to be somewhere
motivational something to teach other people so I knew when I was about 11 or 12 that was my thing is just along the way you get lost because then I'm like a jack of all trades. I know everything. I just, you know, you I have so many things that I've done and know that I had to like how you said What is your purpose? Why are you doing this? So I had to bring it down. Yes, it's a loaded so but I knew my purpose was to speak was to teach to speak and whether I'm a therapist, a poet speaking in front of people, I'm doing interviews I'm doing radio whatever it is it I knew it was for me to say what I have to say what's my purpose and and so you get older you and meditation comes from that to finding out who you are. I think everybody should learn who they really are. Instead of being who people want them to be and and that's what I did and I love it
I wasn't even thinking but take you
know I've learned some things from you
know you keep saying that but I was like let me see how dumb this really is. But I think that the people that you surrounded yourself with gave you a lot of knowledge to take with you and you're going to be a better man for that
I hope so. But I appreciate I appreciate when people come up to me oh my god you taught me this I learned something every time you make my day I taken all that you know for a long time I haven't been able to take compliments because I didn't know what to say
I know it was so easy but as a grown person you know when it was when girl Oh she's so beautiful she's so this is she's so that's why I got into Monica and I will be so why do these people see me like that then finally say thank you not only are you intelligent Not only is the content of what you're saying amazing but the way you deliver
Instagram you know
I have an Instagram it's newbie and you be I am a newbie and like the Queen that I am Nubian underscore speaking speaking it's always without the G i had to do it that way because it's just speaking and speaking is to proper so I don't care what how you look at that but it's newbie and underscores speaking is on Instagram
I have a website ww Nubian dash speaking calm that I currently just started on. So I'm hoping to get in some blogs and blogs on that page. So we can send people directly there. And when you're on that page, it sends you directly to my Facebook
and my Instagram. I have a Twitter account that I'm hardly ever on. But I think I'm going to start because I'm here now.
And it made me laugh my off.
I hear and see all the stuff but I don't tweet as much.
Oh, yeah. Oh, you do?
So yeah, I do that. And Facebook. They made me change my name. What about a year ago, it was, um, Tracy speaking. Because that's my government name, which is Tracy, but nobody really causing the madness. I'm at work
when I was at work. But Nubian. Everybody calls me that. So what I had to do was put my Tracy Nubian speaking. And then bacon. I was Mike the last name, I never took it away. That was my old married fourth name. So I kept it. But yeah, you can, if you go to the website, like I said, it takes you to my pages. So it probably easier that way. Because I have several pages. Yeah, because if you go on for some reason, on Facebook, they don't let you go directly to my new Ian speaking page, unless you're on my regular page. So if you go on Facebook, then you're have to like my fan page. And you'll see all my videos, maybe the only thing I really put in and I need to revise that and only reason why I didn't is because I did the website and I say, you know, they can see enough on the website. But on that, I will tell you the location. So the things that I'm doing the spots that I'm going to be at, or I put videos on there, because some of the videos Facebook is getting really strict, and most of my poems that are I'm not gonna say most, but they're, they're deeper than the one that you you heard
now. So I've gotten away without anybody reporting my pages because of how I do it. You guys learn how to do it. I don't put on anything that is showing derogatory pictures, like somebody with a out and all that stuff. But I to say some of the craziest stuff and not one time as anybody on Facebook say, Oh, that's an important because like, I'm doing Hump Day humor. So you got to take the humor out of you can't say, Oh, my gosh, she's so serious. She's putting profanity a curse do something. But I'm on that page. I I'm still able to be myself only because of the people. And I thank them for that. I'm able to be myself and I. And that's why I say I'm going to move it over to the web page. Because like I say, it's everything in one. So it doesn't make it harder for the people. But yes, it's some new things come in while I'm here in Thailand. Thank you so much. Thank you. It's a pleasure being here. So
thanks for listening to the Mitchell architect Sam Sebring. See you next time.
Sam is an ambassador for personal growth. When Sam started to take action towards a better life, it wasn’t long before he was hooked faster than Captain Blackbeard’s left hand. Years later, Sam strives to produce change in others similar to the identity level transformation which occurred within himself. His aim is to break fulfillment down into a series of straightforward steps, and introduce it into the life of anyone who is willing to embark on the path of action, education and ownership.