Asking Alexandria Bassist on Overcoming Addiction with Mark Owen Mcguire 2018-10-20T23:51:50+00:00

Project Description

Asking Alexandria Bassist on Overcoming Addiction with Mark Owen Mcguire

Mark Owen Mcguire, original bassist for the band Asking Alexandria, has battled with addiction on a level that few people have experience with. With alcohol as his drug of choice, at his peak he was drinking 3 liters of vodka per day.

Mark describes what life is like when one drinks at that capacity. He also details the seizures, heart attacks, and severe hallucinations he experienced when during his several attempts at quitting. Weather your use of drugs and alcohol is severe or mild, this episode is filled to the brim with insight and tips to control your sobriety, cultivate willpower and master your life. Some interesting topics we cover include:

1:18 – Going to jail around the world
17:48 – The Asking Alexandria bassist experience: Two million followers and a cycle of self-destruction
30:47 – How to break addiction
36:44 – Finding your purpose against all odds
45:30 – The importance of being rejected and the subtle art of not giving a fuck
57:12 – Drinking until you pass out and talking to invisible dads
1:07:04 – Embrace your sober self instead of your drunk alter ego
1:17:15 – Why going through a breakup is a massive opportunity
1:22:40 – Surviving anorexia and addiction: Be brave and ask for help
1:49:17 – How to choose your friends more wisely

The audio version of this podcast:
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-mental-architect/id1435994254?mt=2

The most interesting excerpts from this podcast:

Asking Alexandria Bassist Describes Touring with the Band
https://samsebree.com/asking-alexandria-bassist-describes-touring-with-the-band

How to Break Addiction – From Alcohol Seizures to Sobriety
https://samsebree.com/how-to-break-addiction

What It’s Like to Drink 3 Liters of Vodka Every Day
https://samsebree.com/what-its-like-to-drink-three-liters-of-vodka-every-day

Enjoy!

Click Here to View the Full Transcript

0:00
We have Mark Owen McGuire on the podcast today, the original bassist for the band asking alexandria

0:08
he went from living the dream, the pinnacle the rock and roll lifestyle

0:13
to living a life of suffering and severe addiction and alcoholism. At his worst, he was drinking three liters of vodka per day,

0:26
we're going to discover the effect that level of alcoholism has on your body and on your mind,

0:34
and the effect it has on your body and your mind when you finally quit.

0:38
We're going to find out what it's like to quit drinking and have heart attacks in severe hallucinations, conversations with people that don't even exist.

0:50
And more importantly, we're going to discover how to overcome addiction systematically and how to find purpose once you've healed yourself.

1:00
The mental architect with Sam Sebring No. blueprint for peak performance.

1:08
Be the best. You can be

1:18
here with our buddy Mark. Mark Owen McGuire. How's it going? Man? It's going good. Where are you? Where are you from? By the way? That's a it's an Irish. Scottish. She type accent. I'm from Glasgow. Okay. Well, I was born in Glasgow, but

1:32
very soon after I was born my, my dad was a tanker ship captain. Okay, so moved on at a time Cush job. So kind of traveling from the absolute get go, you know. And so we spent two years in the tanker ship and then moved to Florida and he became a pilot and then go into the oil industry. So from then on, it was very kind of every six months every year we'd move country so does that mean you hate Edinburgh? Ah.

2:00
I went to Glasgow and y'all just talk about Edinburgh like crazy that I went to Edinburgh and y'all talk baby talk about Glasgow luck in time. You're a bit of a rivalry going on over there. Yeah, this is the thing I find about Scotland and Scottish people when I go, because I bet a lot of other different countries, right? So I go to every other country in the world. And you see your Scottish and every one last year right? Well, I've Scottish people brilliant, Braveheart freedom fantastic.

2:26
But in Scotland everyone each each other. Really? Yeah The only people that don't like Scottish people are Scottish people I don't know honestly of it. No one's got as people grow this bizarre sometimes I struggled understand your mother I'm glad your accent isn't too heavy. I think it's because you're young though. I went to Glasgow and bro I could hang with the young people but you talked like an eight year old Scottish man dude I was a rap you couldn't understand a where they're saying I think it's probably a lot to do with common up in like different countries and stuff as well. Like.

3:00
Being around different cultures, because if I go to Saudi Arabia and speak in a really broad Scottish accent of getting those, they're not going to be able to hang absolutely no chance. It's weird. Like, we're in Thailand. And there'll be like, quite a few type people like British accents and. It kind of kind of freaks me out. Oh, really? Yeah. Cuz usually they go like, international schools and. Oh, yes, I teach them like, with a posh English accent. So, you know, they start talking like the type person like

3:26
tea and crumpets and like, Whoa,

3:28
is going on over there often come across that. Yeah, but I recognize be pretty bizarre. I do not. When I went to Saudi Arabia. I was very good. So yeah, yeah, look there for three years. So what was that? Like?

3:41
I

3:42
have you ever seen The Hurt Locker or? Yeah, it's not The Hurt Locker. It's it's either The Hurt Locker the kingdom and at the start of it, there's a bomb goes off in an American camp. Yeah,

3:52
my weapon. One of those. No way. Yeah, I'll let them one of those cold Roston and like a military camp. Yeah yeah. Basically holding

4:00
Frank it was between five and eight okay I was gonna ask if you're able to like spit some game and Saudi Arabia because that'd be my main worry going over there is like I wouldn't be able to talk to girls and oh Uh. Well it seems like you're getting trouble I didn't depends where you are in the Middle East like I've grown up over the middle east so I've been Saudi Arabia Qatar refrain Abu Dhabi, Dubai mainly been to the big parts over and yeah my parents they still have Darby my sister seven. I dated a girl whose dad was apparently like the head architect like the Burj Khalifa or something like that Homeworld was low loaded, bro. She's like, I'm not that rich. I'm like,

4:42
come on. I started digging, I started digging show my God. I don't think anyone that rich is another level of rich, it was just like, you. Money at that point is crazy, crazy money. I was living in an apartment on Chimaera beach residents so that's like the walk where they drive all there for

5:00
Lock in gold Platinum play it cars and the Platinum cars. Yeah, the play.

5:06
Those are the good ones where I've got friends right now. Who knows the guy that owns the push that has the license plate 000 and you just got zero. That's his license plate. Zero Am I didn't try and escape in the car. Chase.

5:22
My sons play with zero. The obvious one. Yeah, I heard about a dude in China who paid something like $10 million for the phone number. just ate, ate, ate, ate, ate, ate, ate, because they have like, this obsession with eight that it brings wealth or some

5:41
set up at random if it was just just a random number. Yeah, give me all A's because I remember that. Remember that? How many aids Yeah, do you imagine give you a number. It's like a girl to club but the numbers

5:55
keep dominate and I'll come up. You get me eventually. Yeah, you'll eventually get to me like it.

6:00
Not me just put another eight

6:02
you'll find me it'll be all good once she gets the guy that's paid for 780 man it is always

6:09
bro that's the problem is always one guy a little richer than you who just got like one less or one more eight you know but he knows that you've got the age so every time I go full time up and goes Barry

6:22
yeah

6:24
you're looking for the guy with the AIDS next door he only has five as I'm the guy with 10 eight you titled the right number like what so

6:33
that's what I do and so I've heard you're a you're a bit of a musician bro i Music My life man yeah music has been just I moved to where the move to Abu Dhabi I was about 14 1314

6:48
yeah and there was no music scene you know it's very very underground and we set up shores we get shut down we get arrested that sort of thing it just went on sorta like got arrested for

7:00
Music yeah yeah I mean I've adopted at the time it was still they were just opening the first shopping mall like if you look at Abu Dhabi Nova it's like it's like to buy something is basically part yeah it's just this built some islands and they were good to go is incredible and I won't stop place just explode them and so I go and the music there is more like traditional when you were there like trying to play shows and Baghdad or is only acknowledge

7:25
it was it wasn't quite as bad as it was it was on the up and up but it was still very much a case of we don't like this sort of thing and um because they still don't have drinking yeah oh yeah oh yeah they do have drinking but not officially like it because the Saudi Arabia right oh no no, we're not talking to their area no Saudi Arabia totally fresh yeah like Saudi Arabia my mom wasn't allowed to ride a bike out right like so gay Arabians hardcore not the move No, I've been Dhabi Dubai

7:57
has been some of the best clubs in the world and Dubai Lincoln.

8:00
Yeah amazing amazing clubs in Dubai also bars lots of you know you go out you can drink whatever that there's drugs there but advice again Stephen you know the penalties for these kinds of things over there just Oh really? Oh yeah what happens like even when what happens if you get called a joint

8:20
depending who you are depending on the situation you can go to jail and No, not

8:25
really. Yeah just stay in Abu Dhabi jail yeah is it like a super Dubai jail where they just give you sushi all day long and or is it not I have not been to Dubai jail you have yeah how'd you go to Dubai jail I'm right so here's the faded line right you can drink yeah and you can go out and you have a good time you can get past and stuff but public drunk or a public drunkenness is not tolerate where you publicly junk markup is public ledger. I could see that Yeah, I could see me publicly very publicly during credit I was very public and very john Yeah.

9:00
And do some dumb or were you just being drunk publicly? No, I don't remember because I went I went to jail and then after a while of being until they you go through the court process which is basically you go up and they say tells you what you've done in Arabic and you go yeah Kelly and that sounds all right no arguing yeah go up so it could have told me I don't know it could have told me anything they've been like Gail so I don't know really what that but I did something not good Oh really? I cross the line to the faded line yeah Abu Dhabi across the field line and there's a girl and ride a bike because that was that what did you and you can never know

9:40
just yeah escapes me. I'm glad that how many countries have you been to jail? And that the only one to two Oh, the other one. It's called one Hi. Shut the up. You went to tie jail I went to did you do Oh yeah. My attention now very recently. Oh, yeah.

9:58
very recent landmark.

10:00
, man.

10:02
Uh, right.

10:07
Can I can I, um, I wasn't their fault. And like, don't get me wrong. This is like a 14 number thing. And that was $1 drunkenness lying, right? Sorry. Just being publicly junk and Thailand it was it was a publicly drunk thing what sort of I didn't have my passport or me basically and I was drunk yeah and yeah so they follow me on there and did you do some dumb because he I mean he could be a drunk it's not until you start on the fire hydrant and flipping off the cop no I so I can't remember the exact details because again the problem being publicly drawn visor probably drunk in general yeah yeah um so it's yeah so I you know, I got out of it fairly

10:47
well, slopping the rest kind of thing so what was it like

10:51
not pleasant No, no, I'm enjoy yourself. I did not enjoy the rise in a TripAdvisor out of five if I was going to chuck advice time.

11:00
Jill I would give it probably ah

11:06
a free a three out of five probably give a free five because that's a lot better yeah i mean if I if I can set her up only been in foreign jails ya know for stupid and I'm not there that long it wasn't the worst when I think of what could have been uh huh it could have been terrible well I guess he went to tie jail and not tie prison that's right that's like the those are the two differences like you're probably more or less than the drunk tank with the other idiots rather than being in there with like the murders they're gonna whoop your white This is when I went in there everyone try and pick a fight with me really yeah they're all trying to pick a fight with me and I could not figure out for the life of me why because I'm very very much like just chill but then I realized afterwards I went and before my time on real asking me are you boxer boxer.

12:00
Trying to fight me like I think it was being late friendly about it we're really trying to scrap no they were right there all right if it just really tired pretty friendly but I have not been to tight jail Nah dude

12:13
are you buddies with any guys and tie gel now y'all still stay in touch no was fortunately it was not there long enough so see I think if I went to tie jail you know even if it's for like public drunkenness for us to be like okay well I'll be in and out of here in a minute but then I'd be like well Thailand is corrupt as and I feel like they're not particularly organized there either one gonna get me mixed up with a murder or two that is going to try to frame me for some and try to get me to bribe my way out like I feel like I would just not be relaxed at all in that situation there was American jails like public drunkenness alright I'll be in and out but I jail well that's that's the it's the I think he was the whole thing of just this is what's happened and deal with it as best you can do with you know, just don't make it worse and like don't wear my

13:00
T shirt and start don't wear my shirt and never wear my shirt that I jail yeah that is

13:07
the lesson that we have learned yeah the other lesson I've learned is doing all go to jail really just don't do it well how could we possibly avoid that mark we have to go to tie jail you can it's so God be attempting it's right there not well everything's free rice yeah well free right yeah yeah the food is delicious The food was the TripAdvisor rating on the food still three out of five I don't I give all four words all right you're making Ty jail some pretty nice I've been to guest houses they've gotten lower than a foreign TripAdvisor I suppose the only major don't say this. You have to show your space but 15 all the people yeah. So you know everyone's trying to steal your eyes. No jail is good jail and they enter the end of the day. I don't know I heard of what was said it was like a jail in Norway. I think it was like an article is basically

14:00
nicest jail in the world is something like that. Yeah Did was nicer than my apartment back home I'm not even kidding dead like tennis courts and stuff. It was beautiful. It was nice and apparently like people don't come back people don't come back to jail like they focus more on like rehabilitation rather than just like punishing your and it works it works better than it like any other country I hear a lot of stuff about like, like Norway like they have a really good system without kind of thing. And yeah, so I suppose the next time I decided to commit a crime on do it in Norway. Yes. Good everybody. Normally I haven't. No, you know, it's funny. So I lived in Europe for a bit and everyone has like these theories about what European country has the hottest girls I don't know why. It's just a very I'm sure you've had this subject brought up 1000 times the one that people usually point to at the end of the argument of Sweden. Yeah, it's like out Sweden. It's gotta be Sweden. It's gotta be and then people will throw like, you know, check.

15:00
Public and in there and argument and Sweden was nice Don't get me wrong yeah no one talks about Norway bro Norway is Riddick in like you think that they would be about the same as Sweden they're not it's strange they share a border yeah same region I was blown away in Norway And to make matters worse I don't want to get in trouble by talking about Norway but the dudes in Norway they don't look very good you know like I live in Amsterdam and like all the girls are really hot, but also all the dudes were like six foot five yeah and, like jacked and like chisel jaws. And it's like, all right Abercrombie model like I get it like, oh my, you know, hot girls like you go to Norway, and you'd see every girl's a supermodel and every day was just like this little like weird Norwegian dude. And they'd be walking around with these gorgeous asked girls and Ronnie.

16:01
I need I need to go to Norway. But also they have like a very, very heavy like relationship culture over there. You know? Like in America, he's like,. Everyone. just up. And in Thailand, I don't know what to think about. Tyler Tyler. I don't know. Yeah, I'm. Yeah,

16:19
I'm not really. I'm not sure on it. I don't know what the deal is. It's all How long you been in Thailand.

16:24
I'm gonna get a little bit closer to the mic, because, sorry. Uh, how long have been about six months?

16:32
Okay, so you tried spend some time game yet? Because I've noticed a very interesting mix entirely. I don't know what to make of it. Like traditional Thai culture is very much like don't kiss in public. Yeah, you know,

16:47
don't the white dude in the club type. Yeah. But then there's kind of been like the Renaissance I guess lately, or I mean, I can't really speak as to what's going on. I mean, I'm not exactly an expert in like Tyler.

17:00
In or anything but there's also like this other sect of girls to will just like your brains out because you're the white guy in Thailand so you really don't know it's very inconsistent you know yeah I've no idea of not trying hard enough really have not been busy you know like say no jail and

17:18
apparently not busy enough busy busy enough keeping my eye on the prize yeah as it were and yeah so it's all know you can hold off bro you're a tattooed up white guy in Thailand your stock is trending my stock stock is trending worldwide man no thought of in Thailand Are you kidding me? It wrap it would love you. I'm gonna I'm gonna tell all my mates. Yeah,

17:44
the Glasgow accent you'd be good to go.

17:47
So you were the original basis for asking alexandria many moons ago. Yeah. What was that like?

17:57
I'm good and but.

18:00
We were you know a

18:05
like very much a star in all fund but coming from a place of it's weird because it should have been a really bad negative thing like coming out of Dubai like this bomb the common though Dubai and

18:18
the time not really any exposure for bands in the bio a global and stuff but by the time we went on tour we were going on a headlining tour we're doing their own tour and we had 2 million on YouTube YouTube's at the time my space Oh 5 million on Myspace ooh you're doing all right all right the MySpace

18:42
MySpace page doing these days is my MySpace page is dead and buried I don't even know you know what I'll still somewhere I better be listed lead yeah like clothes that floating around brown doing though isn't it? You put anything on the internet you have to right away or a piece of money or Yeah, exactly. Something that probably

19:00
There's actually a these services cropping up a little expensive but it's basically services to virtually erase you from the internet you get like 1000 bucks or whatever the it is they will take everything about you off the internet ever there is one that works in tandem with Google yeah so they pay Google to take down that you pay them they pay Google Glass or a little man because as it's kind of I think this is going to be the thing of the future so anyone gets up to you know when people get up to like up places status and the place of their opinions volumes and stuff and other people come out and don't agree with them what described that with them or discredit them it will be Facebook Timeline you know the big going back to you said that's when you were a 18 years old. I was say man like, you know, can you imagine the like let's just say like running for president? Oh my god, it's gonna be 20.

20:00
years from now you're able to look back oh my if we could look back at the Presidents we've elected to like every dumb thought they had in their 16 we would have no one to elect Are you kidding me serious Holy I mean social media was just getting started I was a young kid and I barely used it I but even still even with my dumb barely barely barely using it I'll look back at some I posted I'm like whoa no no no no that Facebook memories is like a daily thing for me like you have five memories and I look at them and it's like oh jesus five things I wish I had never said say I think as long as you stay away from the statuses yeah right like most people have enough sense to like not post a selfie anti jail and like that yeah usually but it's the statuses that

21:00
Get you people will just go off on some dumb yeah make it their personal diary and just like and it's there forever you know even even though it's like you I go for my Facebook memories and I'm in delete delete delete delete saying around somebody it's actually yeah it's definitely I mean cuz that uh. That information is valuable bro like that that's going to be the most valuable not going to be it is the most valuable commodity right now is just knowledge and just consumer information yeah and so if you have a backlog of talking 100 Facebook posts about how someone loves pic over purple then bro that's that's advertising money right they don't know right to show that guy or they start endorsing them oh yeah oh and it's like why is the green Are you kidding me for the wisdom off my disgusting I will not stand for that but anyway asking alexandria totally interrupted he was a story there oh not much of a story really I mean they

21:58
they were kind of active

22:00
in Abu Dhabi and Dubai, the time y'all formed and I wasn't Muslim and they actually used to play gigs with my old old old old old band and Abu Dhabi so that at that time my old band was called avarice was kind of up there in the pecking order and asking alexandria sore like don't know somewhere like we're all playing sort of open into beggar bonds and I went to uni uh. One of the guys kept the bond going on got in contact with me when they were going on tour and said listen we needs a basis and that was something send me the contracts on ever look at the contract and I did and at the time I was working in you know scenes breezes supermarket so I was walking in the supermarket so you're like, this. this. So is the best day of my life was walking then to Sainsbury's in the produce section then go and start smashing mangoes and by you make a dramatic exit you know.

23:00
I wish I had known

23:02
it was just the nice enough to go you know I'm going to asking alexandria is huge now were you uh. Were you with them when they were on the come up or you just kind of with them when they were just Peter and around and then after you left it started getting babe is really after after the lab after I left so you know and all of his life so when we left in the one guy they're basically a new band know if you think about it you just kept going and kept the name and some of the songs and stuff so some of its one guy got a bunch of other guys and you know he's done amazingly for himself but that was he was always going to general I mean like where we had decided you know some facade family stuff going on some of us was like to get back to study some of his riches to aren't

23:49
he stuck out to you know about SEO just like I want to be a rock star and that's all I'm going to be nice what I want to be and they do that and it's you know man I feel like that sort of thing what kind of

24:00
with me you know if I quit a band and they ended up getting really really big you know I kind of talked about it like I'm okay with other people succeeding you know when you see people in social media succeeding when you see celebrities succeeding and you see these people you don't know making millions or whatever it is they're doing yeah it's very very easy to kind of mentally disassociate disassociate yourself from them say well I'm not Kim Kardashian I'm not Mark Cuban whatever but what with me is when there's someone I went to high school with I was living at my hair for ya and write some dude like in a college class or something like that like I knew were the same same person same age same background whatever yeah and they just start killing it because then it's like that could have been me

24:52
yeah I mean it's a I get asked a lot

24:58
and I think ultimately if I look at

25:00
If I look at how things were going for me internally then as a person and in my head and I struggled with flakes, but you know, mental illness and addiction for long time like still still can have its work in progress and hot I stayed there

25:20
I don't know if I'd be here today, you know, I mean when, when with the music industry where all the drugs and the drink and the and it's all kind of it's there in your face and it's free you know, I don't think I would have survived you know, it'd be on this and

25:38
that is kind of enough for me. You know,

25:41
I think probably for a while at the time I can struggle with the what if the White Earth but

25:49
ultimately, I think

25:52
it's so important to just kind of focus on where you are now and what got you there and if you're not happy with where you are at that moment in time than what

26:00
Can you do to improve it? What has happened in the past has happened and I like to think that it's happened for a reason, gentlemen. So had I not left that bonds hard

26:16
things went differently. I wouldn't know the people I know now I wouldn't have had the experience of hard some of which have been horrible you know, like terrible terrible hurt you went to jail.

26:30
Jail was the least of it. You know, when when the the addiction thing came over and the the I lost all kind of confidence myself you know, I had no self confidence whatsoever and constantly, day to day, minute to minute was what are other people thinking about me and was their impression to me and it just took me pieces and for years I was this kind of non person general I mean like sort of just existing

26:59
body

27:00
What do you mean by that non person?

27:03
I didn't know who I was. I was more focused on being who other people wanted me be. But I wasn't happy as that person to know I mean, but it was it was easier keeping people's opinions towards may like or if they're like me then things are all right things will be okay but let's just it's not how it works. I think when it when it comes to when you mentioned the motivation thing,

27:28
when you lose self confidence when you lose self love, the motivation to do just goes completely then you lose the passion then you lose the purpose and this was was laughs You just kind of Mullen for life 11 day today but not happy you know, and I by myself and some horrendous situations because I just I kind of fall I had had all the stuff in my life very quickly by 20

28:00
Three I had traveled the world then I had done well in school and I got in my dream job and I had gotten married and I the kid and I a title I phoned love and the that all of these things and all of a sudden they were all gone and it's then what do I do you know I spent so long just kind of with either there's nothing else I want I've had every single one

28:28
and it was the option was self destruct and so that again and again again

28:34
and it just become this cycle of self destruction that's a difficult thing to

28:42
explaining the addiction thing and the way the head works with it is

28:46
it can be like explaining to a dog Why is unacceptable shun the carpet you know I mean, sometimes it's just not we're not getting there. Yeah, it's not getting fruit because it's not that you know, it's a

29:00
It's

29:01
people are incapable of understanding it's just such a difficult sort of thing so the way I sort of like to look at it is is like and I'll kind of put addiction and with

29:14
havin no self confidence and no self love because I think they really they work together it's like this kind of formidable force so it's kind of a vicious cycle yeah it because that's what it will become like if you let it take you over that's when it becomes and

29:29
these things are Kindle Wicca is like if you look at addiction and have a new self confidence stuff. Look at that. It's like a little tiger cub, right? And you're walking along with us little tiger cub and you come to amaze and you enter the maze but you leave the tiger cub on the outside, right and while you're in this maze, you could be lost for however long and you're having dead end after dead end after dead end after dead and and it's just like what the and end that means you lose everything.

30:00
But once was some part of you and then when you come out

30:05
you find this tiger cub this life is no longer a tiger cub versus ferocious monster read but yeah it's off at you because you left behind you don't know you got to learn how to handle that pretty quickly or it's going to eat you alive and that's that is can I have all the tiger cub kind of being like yourself loving your soul in the sense yeah yeah or or life in general you know if if you don't have the self love if you don't have the confidence to just get on with things then life will take you if he says locally to swallow you all again and again and again so it's never ends and cycle

30:42
and it's

30:44
you know it's about

30:46
yeah purposes bank so how the do you get amazed how do you how do you break the addiction and get back to your Tiger guys some people don't go amazing. I mean

30:56
for the I mean I've been in the treatment centers have done rehab and

31:01
You lose people along the way you know people

31:05
it's too much it's either too much so they give up and

31:10
it Gilson inevitably you know it's it's gonna be serious yet

31:16
and it might not be kind of the drugs have a drink or whatever that kills them it'd be you know they'll do themselves and because they feel no cell fourth there's like there's no point there's no point anymore and that is the biggest lie that you tell yourself it's like there's no point or a can't do it is Bill shirt because when I looked back on it when I was in these dark dark places I look back on it and I think the things that I'd went for it I put myself through i thought you know what I've got a hundred percent success rate for survival here like killing it still alive you know I'm still here yeah I'm still yeah

31:54
everything for them myself everything the leaves for me I have combo of a maybe

32:00
Gave but not a repairable and I think the best thing I ever did for myself was the side. And one day that

32:12
what other people for me was none of my business. Well, how did you just come to that decision? Because that's something that people struggle with for their entire life. I think that people give way too many Fox, honest to God, too many thoughts. If you're a 10 folks, you bring that down to one max.

32:33
And I think intuitively

32:35
people know that caring excessively. You have to have it social awareness very excessively, when people think about you. Is it stifling. It's very, very stifling. And it will hold you back.

32:50
But it's very, very hard to break. You know, I mean, we're taught that from a young age to care what people think about you, I mean, it's even in your DNA.

33:00
In the sense of a tribe which is you know what humans were in for hundreds of thousands if not millions of years you had to grow people thought about you because if they didn't like you they get out of the tribe and starve to death need die and you yeah, for the vast majority of our evolution if people didn't like you that equated to death so we literally have biological systems built in saying if people don't like you, if that dude doesn't like you, or if that girl rejects you that girl doesn't want to you you are going to die right? Yeah So how do you tell your brain no that's I would detail even though okay so

33:39
let's say so after after I can have in this cycle and I'm having periods of kind of where things are good you know things are good bunch still not found any kind of purpose you know, they're good for a while, then they get boring and I'm living with this daily anxiety that I know a lot of people a lot of people experience this you know, like the the anxiety that sofa

34:00
Lock in strong that you cannot make a single decision you can leave the house you constant just circulate in faults of what if what if what if I do this and I it up into the you start to procrastinate and I started to procrastinate where I prefer you know I had great ideas great imagination for like what I wanted to be or what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be in five years time but had such overwhelming fear to actually get off my arson just do it in case I failed it's then not slick procrastination becomes like a self defense thing if you don't do anything then

34:40
the level of failure that you can hit will always going to be the same and that's what everyone was will begin to expect from you did I mean so where if I think my family

34:53
with the addiction thing and not going anywhere

34:58
I would be more

35:00
afraid of taking a chance to improve my wife in case I up. And then sometimes I would take that chance of very quickly realized that it was either I thought that was too hard, or I didn't want to do. It wasn't what I wanted to do with my wife and I go back to the self destruct thing because it was familiar. You know, it was comfortable for me because it was familiar. But it's so disruptive that everyone else around me, but that's not kind of the way you think in the moment.

35:32
So it's some

35:34
it's finding purpose and sticking to it and overcoming the fear and really, the people give too many Fox I saw so much you know, and it's not about not giving a about anyone, but finding sort of a balance you know, if

35:50
if someone comes and says something to me about me that you know, it's like or don't like you because of this is like kind of

35:58
Okay, sounds good.

36:00
You Yeah, I mean, yeah,

36:02
like,

36:04
except it's humility. So you just accept that that's what that person talking thanks to you, but they really like who has personally it's probably more reflection on them. Yeah, you typically sometimes you up and go to jail. I need to look like I shouldn't have done. That was the time when someone's giving you. That's because they're in a weird place mentally it's definitely where you have up in life. It's taken that and just own it. And so yeah, okay, look, I up and all I can, you know, that is in the past as well. So all I can do no moving forwards, make sure I don't do it again and find a better path for myself. And you know, it's not sore thing. So you keep talking about the importance of purpose, which is something I kind of harp on a lot now. And intuitively, I think people know they need to find that purpose and pursue it but one thing that is a massive barrier for most people because most people

37:00
Don't wake up in the morning and think oh my purpose is x but I'm just too lazy to do it you know that that's a bit more of a rare problem typically if you know definitively what your purposes you can put some work towards it The problem arises when you don't know what your purposes I think that is the the biggest problem for people and that they don't know how to discover their purpose so well I guess I should ask you what is your purpose What is my purpose I think on purpose no is just to be happy and to spend so much time

37:35
unhappy and doing things that kept me unhappy that you know I've what I wake up at fairy and my done nothing with my 20s you know, apart from really negative like I've been on the streets numerous times in jail and just almost and

37:55
I don't wanna I never want the top from my life in the first place. You know, it's like Why was I so

38:00
comfortable to just sit in that because it was easier but it wasn't easier you convince yourself that is easier because you can no motivation to get over because the fear is there like well if I end up back there so you just stay there

38:13
you get stuck in my purpose no

38:16
just be happy you know just do I need to do to be happy and do not let any anyone tell me that you know you shouldn't be doing or maybe that maybe you should do this or maybe you should do that but like if I'm happy doing what I'm doing like obviously you know take suggestions for self improvement over like maybe try this try this I think try everything definitely like button that was something I was not willing to do before was trying anything you know you try everything and not beat the out yourself if you either don't like it or you're not good at it or it's not for you just try it I think you don't really nailed it. You know I I'll talk to

39:00
Some friends who are going through like little mini existential crisis is you know, and that they don't know exactly what they want to do. Because, you know, their life has been laid off them. You have elementary school, you have Middle School, and you have high school and college and you get a job. And it's not until you graduate college and get a job. And you look this is the next 50 years. My life yeah, did you realize out, maybe I don't want to do this.

39:25
And so

39:28
they're they're juggling with with that, that loss of purpose as well. And what I usually recommend to them is that finding your purpose is not a passive pursuit, right? Most people think, Oh, I'm just going to find my purpose. One day, it's this noble idea that your purpose is going to call to you and you're just gonna wake up one day and just say, oh, painting I'm a painter. Let's do it. But in my opinion, that is going to get you nowhere. And so what I usually recommend to them is that until you find your purpose, your purpose is

40:00
finding your purpose. Yeah. Right. So what I mean by that is you need to take an incredibly active role in finding your purpose, and you need to try new like a. You know, if you knew 1,000%

40:16
that painting was your purpose in life, or maybe you're Colby and basketball is your purpose in life, how many hours you're going to put into that every week, 80 hours a week, whatever it is, you're doing, though, I get people at jobs. You might not have 80 hours a week later on, but you have a lot of time. Let's say you have a spare 30 hours weeks for 20 hours a week. You need to spend that 2030 hours a week aggressively trying new things. Yeah, and seeing whether or not you like them and seeing what sticks because just floating around and watching YouTube videos about Oh, how to find your purpose. That's not really going to help you find a purpose as much as getting out there. I mean, you You sound your for 20 odd years like wanting to be a soldier and you know you're not gonna get the president milk in the air.

41:00
I'm going one day like, we know you've been sitting here like it's time. This is not me now because they all are search history maybe? Yeah,

41:08
yeah. All those like, I couldn't help but notice that you wanted to go kill some people. We got you. We got the signup forms right here take this This is our gift to you to get you started for law. So it's interesting you um, you said your purpose is to be happy. I think it's pretty good purpose. I think that's most people's purposes in a way but one question that I always struggle with is whether to pursue happiness or fulfillment and here's what I mean by that when I go to a nice restaurant juicy steak. They bring me that that makes me happy bro. Because my mouth I'm mother happy that goes my mouth when I when a goes in. I am happy you know when I travel and I go to a new country I'm happy Yeah, but.

42:00
None of that really makes me feel fulfilled as a person. Because in all those examples, food, travel, I'm consuming something. I'm putting something into my body. I'm taking something external and swallowing it. fulfillment

42:18
usually for me comes from a sense of creation, right? It's when I create something new. So the difference between that feeling when you

42:26
eat a steak, or maybe take some drugs, versus when you write a new song, it's a similar feeling, but it's subtly different in a way and I'm sure you've experienced this, like when you create an awesome new piece of music or whatever it is you're creating. It goes deeper than that stimulating feeling of happiness. You feel like you've created something you feel like you put something out into the world and you're being productive and you're like league leaving a legacy right? Yeah, I mean, the end that's, that's where it says called purpose, this purpose in it. So I go back to go back to the touring and stuff you know, I loved making music a lot.

43:00
playing live that that was really made me really really happy really really felt fulfilling but the doing it as a job was not you know very very quick that kind of take away from your enjoyment of music when you had to do it full time as a job you're under contract like that yeah very much yeah all of a sudden it's a you know I'd have people like have be colon friends I very rarely with us for a while by the real out was a real issue I was not asking for help and be willing to just bite the bullet and ask for help

43:35
when the film The few occasions I call up a friend or say like listen I'm not doing too good you know I don't really know what's going on but I'm not gonna be a little bit you doing what you've been talking about this is that this is like you're you're on tour you doing it and

43:54
why did you feel like they weren't happy?

43:57
Have you been able to pinpoint it because usually

44:01
Someone's unhappy. My advice to them is, look, man, it's probably a problem with purpose. It's probably a problem that you have not found your purpose in pursuing it. Because it is very difficult to find someone who is 100% on their path knows happy. The only time that happens is when their health is suffering. Or, you know, maybe it's really up in their marriage or something like that. Like you have to have another major area of your life really up. Yeah. Oh, I mean, I think she was just drugs.

44:34
You know, I was actually just, it was just uncle from a really

44:39
but the I mean that that in itself, the addiction the drink the drugs or whatever I see that is really a secondary symptom to a primary problem. Anyway, so there's something wrong before that happens. And I think my my real thing that was wrong way before that was disconnection, very agreeable.

45:00
But next spot. I grew up very disconnected. So leaving people and leaving people and leaving people and not that I noticed that the time but it was it's a damaging process. You know it's some

45:14
you never really get the chance to experience rejection on a real a real life level and so because you're always leaving people you know you don't have a choice and you learn very quickly don't get too close because you're gonna have to go so what is the importance of rejection and I think if you don't learn to deal with rejection, like in a positive way, like in the waiver talking about if someone has something negative to say from it, that's the you know, it's it's up to me whether I feel negative about her or whether I let it ruin my life. And if you don't, I think learning from a young age to deal with rejection is going to help you and late later on life because you're going to experience rejection it's just life.

46:00
laces sometimes you know it's not always gonna be

46:06
plain sailing never. You know it's it's always so I very much had this

46:14
this thing that nothing was ever going to work out so even when things were walking out I was waiting for it to end you know is waiting for that can and not miss it that was in the band thing you know I was waiting I was just waiting for it to you know noise or filling prophecy they're much yeah and it's really really self defeating soon then when you talk about kind of what do you do to

46:42
what was the word is what do you do to seek happiness and seek out fulfillment and I do I try not to seek really yeah I try not to seek out things because

46:58
I don't want to find myself

47:01
In the position where I am so

47:04
so I've so much intent and so much focus on finding something that makes me happy with appreciating the things that I have actually around me know. Well, I think it's a bit of a balance. I don't think you should say that I'm not going to seek it out. I think you should seek out aggressively but yeah, there's two sides of the coin and that you're not going to necessarily find it tomorrow. And so you need to be where you are. That's what I mean. I don't mean like, don't move forward I think like always moving forward and always kind of like that's why we were trying new things you know always look for something different but don't have the mindset that if you don't find that like that's that's your sole purpose is finding this or finding that

47:45
she's a few looking ul, you know, eventually it's, you'll find something I think that's kind of like the key to life in general, right. There's like the combination of intent to succeed Yeah, with a freedom from outcome. And then

48:00
Most people are kind of two. Yeah. Far on one side of the spectrum or the other, and that they're two balls to the wall always going for it. And they're never actually enjoying what they get when they get it. You know, they want to me. Yeah, on $2,000 a year, once they get there will I want to make 200,000 and they're actually enjoying it. Then you go to the other side of the spectrum. And you see these mother that just do nothing all day and just enjoy the present moment. You know, which is, which is good. I mean, if that's if that's your thing. That's awesome. But it's not my thing

48:31
in between one of those. Yeah, yeah, you need to generate results. You need to put something out into the world. You need to be a productive. Yeah. And so if you can get both if you can be balls to the wall, working your off going for it as hard as you can, but also kind of have the inner mindset dialed in to just enjoy the journey. This is a Yeah, as the gratitude is gratitude is huge.

49:00
Janet being grateful for what you have, but then also not being afraid to fail as self for fear of failure just stops people dead and the drives and it's thought me for a long day, many times over and not afraid to fail anymore, you know, and I'm getting done and I'm happy and I find like two years ago but I think I'd be in Thailand like kind of content with my life like not enough million years. I was living under a bridge you know, camp is far beyond and to have the things I have a Roman oh you know things aren't perfect but the hell of a lot better than they were and they will continue to get better if I continue to focus on them getting better but not be afraid to, you know, hit a wall. Yeah, I think you nailed it with that.

49:54
That fear of failure because a lot of people had the same thing and

50:00
The thing that's cool about you is you have realized that issue because most people don't realize that's an issue most people play rather than playing to win. They play not to not lose. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, they're just playing rather than trying to go for success. They are playing to not fail, which sounds similar, but it's actually just incredibly different. You're not actually going for it, you're just kind of stagnating that point. So how what advice would you give to someone who has a fear of failure and how to get over it

50:33
fail fail fail exposure there is no definitely I mean, if you don't fail you're never gonna learn you know, if if you want something and you can't get it because you don't try then that's one thing you're never gonna get it but if you try and you fail then you look at like What did I do wrong and how can I do it another way and you go and you try and you fail again and you look you do it another away and eventually law of averages you're gonna get there one day.

51:00
But if you never try in the first place, if you are too afraid to try, you're gonna stay stuck. And there was nothing for me personally, there's been nothing more, you know, depressing, disturbing, then looking back and thinking, looking at all that time that I spent static, not doing anything and getting nowhere because those are the best years of our lives. You know, no time is quite precious to me. Whereas before it was just something that was there. No, I think that a time and more specifically, freedom actually are the two most valuable commodities that a person can have. Everyone kind of focuses on usually wealth usually the thing that people focus on, which is good, I think it's important to not be poor, you know, like, have enough money to take care of yourself, feed yourself, put a roof over your head and maybe buy a few nice things here and there.

52:00
I'm strive for more but don't make a present you know you turn anything into a president

52:07
if you have wealth in your mind and wealth is all you want and all you won't know you want it can become you've contract you could create a president and your own ad and it's I tell you what

52:18
it's it's easy it off and can go a president and get out like he created president you want to add that goes where if you everywhere and it's gonna be a tie prison and you can even be a tie president your

52:30
head yeah it could be any you know you create a president you had your at 24 seven if you're on the top of a mountain if you're on the stage in front of over 100,000 people if you are sitting at home with your family and you've got a president you're at during President

52:51
Domar what you're doing so what do you mean by that like a prison in your head just being a slave to your own thoughts a slave to your own faults a slave to your faults of what other people

53:00
Thanking,

53:01
and the failure thing you know, you're stopping usually you're in the present when you're stopping yourself from trying things that might benefit you. You know, if you try it, you don't like it

53:13
when someone else. So how did you stop caring what people think about you? Because that seems by listening you like a massive, massive turning point for you when you stop caring what people think about you. And that's something a lot of people

53:28
struggle with. And usually the traditional advice is, well, just stop caring. And when you tell that to someone who is very, very caught up in their own self image, yeah, if I were that type of person, I would say, Well, you, man. Like just stop caring. Like it's not. That's not how it works. That's like telling it the press person who really is so like, what, what actionable steps can someone actually take to stop caring?

53:51
I mean, I was very stubborn. You know, I was I was really stubborn and I was not willing to when people told me try things to try this or try that I just didn't do it.

54:00
So I suffered I suffered I suffered I suffered and eventually I got tired of the software and and I started doing things you know and I kept tripping up and I kept ends up in the same place but I kept drying

54:17
Well I would say to other people as you don't have to software you know I would not wish the things that I put myself for stubbornness on anyone you know it's be open lesson that people you don't have to agree with anyone anything but here people out and if they're suggesting you try something try it you know they're not asking for a longer a kidney or not asking you change your world like it might be a every day to try meditation it's a drive I can either no rock claim and whatever you'd be anything but you might find that you're good at it you got passion for and that might change your life. Life changes in the moment you know all you need this.

55:00
As a minute and it you can find that perfect in a minute let's take copious amounts of action take action he had robbed it. Don't worry about other people. Other people think is just other people are gonna think look the thing you can no you control over anyway so get on with it I know one of the best pieces of advice that I believe my mom gave me was don't care what people think about you because they're so busy thinking about themselves sighs excellent advice honestly true

55:36
that's me when I was kind of like an angsty teenager and I was in high school and it was it's always true. But. Is that especially true in high school? Holy using high schoolers are thinking about you and what they think like, are they worried about you? Your self image? That little pimple on your face? No, bro. They're worried about the own pimples on their face. I find this well when you start to worry. We start to get so far.

56:00
focused on on worrying about what other people think it draws people's attention you know the best thing you can do is just the Gomorrah exactly you know be you be proud of you know ma what

56:13
my what you think is wrong with you though each of us where you are you can you can change things about yourself but ultimately

56:21
you know you are be grateful to be you and just get on with it No One No One Else Mars really is quite ironic actually you know not caring what people think about you makes them think much more highly of you it does yeah it there was a power and that that I could I was never able to find and trying to change myself to make people want me to like me or whatever you know there was so much power and just like in yourself you know like yourself and other people's opinions don't lie then

56:57
it's a much freer wild you dissolve a free

57:00
Don't sighs freedom I can be hard when you're like addicted to substances and it's really hard is so hard man I mean the first the first thing I do is get rid of the substance you know can I ask what substance did even the most obvious alcohol alcohol yeah I'll call was um. I'll go put me for well I put myself for hell with alcohol you know and I did kind of dabbled in everything else at one point or another

57:31
but uh. You know alcohol took me yeah alcohol is a

57:39
yeah alcohol is an especially hard one I've actually kind of been put not kind of I haven't quitting alcohol lately and I I've done so successfully so far. But the thing that was most difficult about alcohol for me at least was

57:56
how attached it is to

58:00
socializing social. So here, here's the thing, you know, you can be addicted to or something like that.

58:06
And it's very, very, very physically addicting. You know, I mean,

58:10
the withdrawals that you'll get from are usually pretty comparable to alcohol. And so when you quit or whatever drug you're on, you have to deal with that but

58:21
usually unless you're hanging out with with the very interesting crowd you're not gonna go out on a Friday night and I was like no come on just one syringe of just one sir ends of and I mean you're a rock star so maybe it's a little bit different

58:34
but with alcohol you know quit alcohol and it's absolutely everywhere well I mean yeah it is a way okay so we'll do the the alcohol comparison here because alcohol

58:50
there's only two uh. There's only really two drugs that well you become physically addicted to that you become like there's a point where you

59:00
Ross, Elaine and your body relies on that to survive. So whether you want to stop or not. You are in the place where you can. And that's where you go. You need medical detox and stuff due to drugs or benzodiazepines an alcohol

59:14
bentos me is that like opiates. Yeah. No Benzema. Benzema was like Xanax and or stuff. You can get over the counter, you know volume and stuff like that benzo is an. over the counter here in Thailand. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's unbelievable. It's hard to leave a doctor's appointment like take that stick around. But those two you know You know, I've a lot lot lot of friends addicts and suffer suffer really, really badly and I think alcohol sort of unless you've been through it really gets sore left in the sidelines because it is so out there in society, but alcohol withdrawal if managed if you manage that wrong if you've been drinking long enough and you just thought

1:00:00
You will die is really you know it will kill you whereas error when you're not likely die withdrawing from error would actually kill you I'll call withdrawals oh yeah oh yeah no I have had two heart attacks really and I'm alcohol withdrawal and the mess manage alcohol withdrawal holy yeah so were you at the point where you just drinking like first thing in the morning with already yeah yeah yeah yeah i you know i thought was all that was my purpose with alcohol was just drink drink drink until I pass Oh in their wake up and drink drinker so I didn't want to be alive then we'll be awake

1:00:34
and I decided to stop and voting very quickly that that was no longer an option I had crossed that line and I'd went to the doctor and they're like listen you gotta you can't just stop your heart will stall you know yo yeah you bought these jobs had a heart attack your body becomes physically dependent on on on alcohol to survive so when when you get to that place where

1:01:00
You can't you just do so desperately don't want it anymore. But you, you're there. You know, you can't just stop. You said a wean off of it. What's the trick? Yeah, I mean, one

1:01:14
and I've run. I've always loved the gospel. You know, always Oscar or a treatment center is I needed medical detox. I tried to detox myself. And I would recommend that to no one is the most horrifying, painful thing. I you know, the hallucinations star the audit trails. Oh, yeah, really, really bad vids. Like the type of hallucinations uh, the most up one I had

1:01:44
about 10 years ago and some stuff that going on family wise and I just wanted to say to that was done. You know, I didn't know a lot about alcohol addiction or anything at that point. And I decided, right, I'm done. I'm just gonna drink myself to death. That did not happen.

1:02:00
You know it turned out to be a much longer and more painful experience than I expected it was and eventually run out of money and so I was withdrawn and I started to hear things you know like sort of similar to what someone on math with would describe the entire annoy Yeah, yeah. So, but I would see things that were very real and why one in particular,

1:02:25
I was sitting in the spot and I lived in this empty flat by this point, it's sold everything

1:02:32
and my dad has walked in the door and I'll talk to my dad for like five minutes and I you know, I figured it just

1:02:40
come to see me Come help me or whatever and these water and I've got up to go and follow him and he's not there so I've realized that he was never there no you know he's not it's not actually there and I'd heard the Bota I'd go ahead and him yeah I heard the boats and stuff and I wasn't expecting anything that in 10 says Oh no. I guess was Yeah, it was like

1:03:00
I'll never forget this till the day I die I've realized that he was never there my gloves. Inaba Dobie, you know like he was never there. I'm in Scotland to this point. And so I went into the bathroom and this is linked the horror movie. So I got my sink and I brought my mirror right? And I went down to like splashing water on my face and whatever. I'm like, wake up from this and I put my head up and behind me is me right? I am I am standing by looking at me but like that's really skewed. Weird version of me. Right? And I've turned brown done that's gone. And I've walked into the kitchen of certain against the cooker. And that appears in the doorway and just there and it is real, you know, to me and not moments I could reach out and touch this thing is real. And it was terrifying. Like, and then there's the palpitations and the anxiety and the just everything that goes along with alcohol. Withdrawal is a waking nightmare is horrible. You know? I bet people don't know I had never heard of hallucinations I'd never heard of is you kidding me? It's cold. Delete.

1:04:00
Maria Tremonti. Yeah delirium tremens, yeah you know I went to a bar named delirium tremens and that makes it sound a little less fun now is is terrible I mean obviously it depends on how much you drink she like I the time How much were you drinking just I was at my worst I would be on to to free to an off really is about a day Holy no

1:04:27
God really really really bond I don't even think I could get that down really I'll give you a million dollars to drink three liters of Okta today i don't know if i get it down I mean we're talking over a 24 hour period you know not don't know what bro I struggled to drink three liters of water over a 24 hour period you know I know I know it's like it's

1:04:50
if you talk to you know other people as well you'll hear similar stories and sort of things you know you hear a lot of arguments for like the the addictions

1:05:00
thing is like being a genetic thing and I've never really believed any of that but I don't think so. I don't know I don't know I don't like people like that where you could uh, they could drink every single day for a week and then they just don't give a after and they can quit

1:05:13
but I mean that's kind of like a normal person in it you know that wouldn't be the story for me like if

1:05:19
if I do one on during all of them you know they actually have like scientifically proved that there is an addiction gene yeah oh the prisoners are just published

1:05:30
I know like it's always been classes like a disease and that but I think with in terms of the amounts and stuff I always thought you know my casual drink I seen a meme and it really made sense to me was I love means you know like oh yeah means gets time Oh games there's nothing better by eating on the daily by seeing this one then it was basically said like your bloods boys. You're all whole boys. Thing is my casual drinking. Yeah. And it made a lot of sense. It was like, Yeah, I actually know a lot of people that could

1:06:00
duel like a bottle of vodka and one night you know it's like and that's just the morning for you don't even got into lunch at that point

1:06:07
yeah you know

1:06:10
you know actually far from the truth there I'm not sad it's really sad but yeah no more you know

1:06:18
how long have you been sober I'm

1:06:22
bar that little one week where I thought I went off the rails six months six seven months is good but you know I've been I've I've had period I thought most of the last six years I have been sober you know, but when I go off it I go out to binge all very really depressingly bad like this. It's hard to find humor on that you know it's it's not a small place and and again, and it's again one of those things that is

1:06:56
self destructive. But it's the thinking that gets me there, so.

1:07:00
Why, you know, I keep track of the thinking. And what am I gonna do today? What was the hardest part about quitting of acquiring

1:07:12
other than seeing yourself in the stove?

1:07:15
Other than see myself and still, like, we're in the mirror the hallucinations. It's interesting. He says, although actually, because at all in that same period with a mirror thing, I,

1:07:28
I had a cooker and everything, but it was what and it seemed like a little thing, but it's quite side. But I was always too afraid to cook because I have seizures constantly, you know, and drinking often or from the west role. Yeah, from the western. I've had seizures all the time. And the seizures, heart attacks and hallucinations, seizures, heart attacks, hallucinations, palpitations, you know, the shakes of like, the better end of it like this. You know, it's five. Yeah, cuz I've known, so Oregon's will shut down as well and you you'll get to a point where you're not eating but you're drinking and

1:08:00
your pancreas will still continue them like treating enzymes I think this is how it goes but it basically your internal organs will start to cannibalize themselves like it's you know if you're not eating that's what happens so it's yes Fox and that's there's not a lot of kind of awareness of the alcohol thing I side of that community of addiction and the people in the know you know it's bad alcohol kills more people than malaria like I'll call it does it really does is the malaria scandal and more people than every war combined I serious about on yeah everyone combined you know this is a star Larry i believe i believe area will you up. But I mean,

1:08:45
I would say like see you walk into a room with 10 people so there's a good chance at least here in the room of free Alex You know, there's whatever in Africa probably in there was three and a half people's malaria this one

1:09:00
Gonna have to find the details on this but it's you know it's something I or something that you know I haven't been around the the treatment center thing for so long like you really get a feel for how many people it takes and that serious serious you know yeah I'm just kind of trying to take like a more proactive approach when it comes to alcohol in that I never got properly addicted but

1:09:30
I do have reasonably that I have an addictive personality one reason being that I saw myself get in this is probably the best substance to get addicted to, but just ridiculously addicted to weed. Okay, and I smell I smokes just a hilarious amount of weight. It's all I did all day, every day for five years. So it's funny cuz everyone tells you can't get addicted to weed and shut the up. No. Yeah, you get addicted to anything.

1:09:58
Luckily, it's a psychological addiction.

1:10:00
You don't go through seizures when you quit. Yeah.

1:10:03
But, you know, when you take something as simple as weed and I discovered, okay, well, I got to the point where I had to smoke this five times a day and if I didn't, I would think about it constantly. It's not very good preview Can you imagine if I had done that with something worse like alcohol or opiates or Benz's or something like that, and on top of that, you know, I've seen

1:10:28
other people my family, kind of like juggle problems, the alcohol Yeah,

1:10:32
and so yeah, when I when I graduated college, I kind of started asking myself this question because I hadn't really had any major negative effects of alcohol yet you know, it's colleges drink out of time. Yeah, and I asked myself,

1:10:48
do I want to drink for the rest of my life?

1:10:51
I'm just kind of a heavy question but most people don't think about alcohol in those terms. You think about the hall and that do I want to drink this weekend?

1:11:00
Bruni ask yourself, do I want to drink alcohol for the rest of my life? Until I'm 80 years old, and I die and drinking alcohol? I found when I ask people that question, usually the answer is no. The answer is usually will. Obviously, I obviously I don't want to drink alcohol my entire life. That's silly. Like, why would I do that? So then the question arises like, when do you quit? Right? And there aren't a whole lot of like, decent milestones to quit. I'd say having kids is a good one. But the biggest one for me it was college you know? Yeah. graduated college. Now is the time to quit. Now is the time to grow up and stop drinking.

1:11:37
And in my head when I quit drinking, it was going to be very, very difficult socially. Yeah, because it's just such a social glue. Have you experienced problems with that and that kind of like it being awkward socially and having a hard time cuz here's my thing,

1:11:55
you know, especially with making male friends Yeah, it's always just been

1:12:00
Hey Mark you want to cover for a beer and it might not even necessarily be about the beer it's more about us just chillin but we're dudes I can't just hit you up and like Hey Mark want to come over and talk about your feelings for an hour I'd be like what the bro like can we at least get some food or something like we need this excuse just cuz we're dudes and we're weird we need some excuse hang out

1:12:22
so I figured like when I quit drinking that I would have a harder time making friends which is almost harder in a way than the giving up the alcohol and that's coming from a dude that was never physically yeah i mean this is definitely is it's definitely a fear but I think more than the fear for for a lot of people becomes an excuse to keep doing it when they've identified to this problem you know and i mean from the get go when it was kind of

1:12:51
you know we thank you you know they're not going

1:12:56
I was kinda like you're right but I didn't care you know.

1:13:00
Kind of self defeating thing. It was gonna give a. But, um, the,

1:13:04
the social thing,

1:13:10
see, I mean, it sort of depends if you have that, that came to buy the thing or not like, I can go out and I can socialize with people who do drink and I can go to the, the places that I would normally go to and stuff and it's alright. It's fine. Like, I'm all right. Just not drinking.

1:13:31
But I know for a lot of people, that would be the way I can't do that. I'll never do that. I'm never gonna be able to hold the title. Yeah, I mean Well,

1:13:43
yeah, I mean, I think a lot of people it may be it depends how you use what you use it for. You know, a lot of people use alcohol was like the social lubricant it's like this is how I'm funny This is how I fit no this is Howard the that's not really what I use the alcohol for. I'll call

1:14:00
was always kind of like, Oh, I'm going to everything that was my use of alcohol. I really wasn't a social thing. I didn't need it to, to be social.

1:14:12
So I think I've been very, I'm very fortunate and having that kind of transition like the makes things a little easier. But had I been like, you know, a social drinker.

1:14:25
It would be very be really difficult. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure it's got to be at least a little bit easier in that regard for you, because you're just naturally like, kind of like a charismatic, outgoing dude. But a lot of people don't have that, you know, a lot of people when they sober are reserved, you know, yeah, that's the way it goes. And then when they drink it gives them this magical ability to talk to people especially talk to girls. Holy alcohol has gotten more days later than anything on this planet. Yeah.

1:14:54
And so in on top of that, it gets reinforced over time because you know,

1:15:01
Say start drinking. When you're 16, you're a little bit reserved. And then you drink. And then you talk to people. Well, cool, awesome. But then you go down this path where every Friday, every Saturday, every time you go out, you drink, and you talk to people.

1:15:16
So you're reinforcing this idea that you need alcohol to talk to people, which makes matters worse, I'll bet if you had taken that same person, when you 16 minutes. We never drink alcohol, and just practice socializing. And those same bar situations, completely sober up until the age of 2025 whenever you'd be a much more social outgoing dude. Because he would be able to learn and have the reference experiences when I'm sober. I'm cool. I can talk to people I can do this. But now because he's been drinking his whole life every single time he's gone out and he's been drunk. It's almost as if he's created this alter ego, this different identity when he's drunk, and that identity is able to go talk to people that identity is able to go up and make out that hot girl but sober

1:16:00
Sam sober Mark can necessarily do that. Yeah I mean and for some people it's not just the answer to clean the of the social aspect of the talking to girls aspects will be the answer to when it happens it's like well I will make me feel better and you literally create pathways and your head it's like you go in and you you do that and you like it and that's a pathway and then you're going to again not pathways reinforce and they do it again reinforce reinforce and it becomes very difficult to break away from it and that's essentially addiction it's you're following what is familiar and what you know is going to make you feel better we think is going to make you feel better and re you basically have to retrain your brain completely to

1:16:48
not believe that because you believe in the moment like I believe that in the moment that you know la was gonna make me feel better or that was gonna if I want to if I want life to just disappear

1:17:00
By the way, cool about it when actually when I came back to life and evidently everything was a grown up my Tiger had grown No for real.

1:17:11
Like where the have you been? Why have I been here alone? Yeah, I think that is the main issue with alcohol is

1:17:21
doing it to escape pain because I'm a firm believer in that pain is there to make you grow as cliche as it sounds. I believe when I look back at my life and I look at the turning points in my life and I look at the points of my life when I created something really awesome and I've done some really really really cool and I traced back How did I do this how did I do this awesome thing how did I do this killer project How did I achieve this and I really trace it back more often than not the seed to me achieving something great done the line was massive amounts of pain

1:17:59
this podcast

1:18:00
actually an example I didn't realize it at the time, but I was going to a lot of pain from a breakup actually. I think breakups are the best one. If you get broken up with, you should be psyched. You should be psyched because your life is about to get really. And then it's about the bounce back like a rubber band ball. And it's going to be awesome if you do it right. If you make it up and if you Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

1:18:31
If you break up with someone, and then you start drinking and he start self medicating you start around that breakups gonna you up. Yeah. That breakups gonna win. But if you get broken up and doesn't have to be a breakup, it can be anything you know, it can be any massive amount of pain in your life. It could be a failure to be a loss of a job, he's me loss of a friend or family member, whatever. Yeah,

1:18:55
and you take that for what it is and you stay sober and you take massive

1:19:00
amounts of action then you will find all bet 10 times out of 10 that you're going to look back and say holy I'm so glad that I got dumped. I'm so glad that I lost that job. But yeah, yeah i mean that that can it comes back to the

1:19:23
trying to

1:19:25
sort of believe that things have happened for a reason. That sort of makes it easier but but sort of a more make sense approach you know, like thank because and the yeah that's that's what I mean about the I'm not not appreciate of like

1:19:43
I'm grateful that

1:19:46
what am I trying to say

1:19:49
given what I've gone for what put myself for

1:19:54
Hi. Were you to say to me, would you if you could go back and do it all again. Would you do anything different?

1:20:04
There's probably some things I would do differently. Some things I like to change but where I am in my life right now I wouldn't be here I had I not tripped up had I not made the mistakes I made has a nomad that people are mad

1:20:17
because people upon huge influences on me people got me going music has kept me going

1:20:26
on my you know

1:20:29
where to go back and do something differently maybe I up and I wouldn't be here so

1:20:35
yeah yeah that's always a hard one because when you ask someone would you go back and do anything different that is implying that they went through a certain set of mistakes and through those mistakes they learn something yeah and so basically what you're saying is, is there anything that you would like to go tell your past self that would allow you to skip those mistakes and skip the

1:21:00
learning that.

1:21:01
But that's not how knowledge works. That's not how learning legitimately works. You could take the exact same lesson that you learned from addiction from up from whatever it is. You did. Yeah. And you could just hand it to that younger self on a on a silver platter and he isn't gonna go. He isn't even gonna listen to you. Because he hasn't actually gone through the emotional turmoil to legitimately learn that lesson. Yeah, I mean, so instead can have what I'll try to do. No, as I say, I believe that when you meet people, it's you meet people for you know, one or two reasons you either they help each other or to learn from each other and

1:21:43
like sort of value every kind of person Obama to whether we get on whether we know whether we're benefit and common or not. But instead of kind of, you know,

1:21:54
having this narrative in my head about what could have been and what if I could tell my younger self stuff it's

1:22:00
Kind of helping other people it's like listen if you can do this no social I see like young people really young because people going into treatment centers and stuff they get younger every year oh you know younger every year and on harder drugs every year and then beggar messes quicker What do you think that is?

1:22:20
You know it's a accumulation it's like so the so many so many factors to it I you know, social media things getting downplayed things become an acceptable

1:22:34
young parents.

1:22:37
It could be any number of things. Yeah, I have a theory. Um, I think it is becoming increasingly common to find yourself at a point in your life where you don't have purpose as you were saying earlier, the reason for that being that life has gotten pretty easy honestly, as time goes on.

1:23:00
as technology advances, life gets easier and easier and easier. Which is awesome. Yeah. Which is really, really cool. If you use it correctly. It used to be back in the day go back as as, as far as one to two engineers. They don't even gotta go that bar your is working 12 hours a day to put food on the mother table you are going to starve to death. You get your on the farm or in a factory or something. You have to work. And so your purpose is to work and feed yourself in survive your purposes. Survival life was heart and if you go back even further than that,

1:23:39
and one to 200 years ago, we also had a massive, massive prevalence of religion. Yeah, and you can get into whether or not you believe in religion or not. But back in the day people did really, really intensely and that gave them a massive, massive sense of greater purpose. Nowadays, we have this combination of a copious amount of free time.

1:24:00
You don't necessarily have to work 12 hours a day on a farm and we don't have this religion indoctrinated into our brains from a very very very young age so we don't have this sense of higher purpose either and so when you take away those two things, oftentimes you get a bunch of kids saying what the am I doing here? What the am I doing with this life What am I doing I'm just kind of floating around in that's when drugs alcohol they said to become incredibly appealing yeah yeah it's definitely it's it's a very it's even a very different world than it was 20 years ago you know it's the Steve Jobs yeah they have been Facebook and if he fought it was materialistic 20 years ago started podcasts and

1:24:50
those and podcast in our souls they interview Yeah, I know the nerves day I was talking to this dude I had on the show the other day he went to a Thai prison Can you believe

1:25:00
That guy believe what oh my god what a idiot I can't believe that guy locking oh yeah does he think he is honestly seriously he had a cool metaphor about Tiger so well you know what a

1:25:15
nightmare for right I I like metaphors and I like analogies and stuff and I think they get for was it occasion It was my own creation now Oh boy. about one yeah it was it was the other day it was someone was I had watched the shading with my friend the night before and I think this is where I've kind of got the maze thing from right and I'm someone who doesn't really understand the addiction thinking and the self confidence and not being able to have self confidence in the mental illness say the things

1:25:50
they were asking me like what what is it like how like my parents don't they don't get it they'll never get it you know there's no way I can really explain to them her parents treated.

1:26:00
Yeah, yeah my parents are very interesting that get into addictions it's usually cycle usually it's, it's brought down from at least one of the parents. And there has been. I mean, I know there has been some addiction in my family, but not my immediate family. You know, my dad, never every family's got someone who's been addicted to something like you said, I think three people in a room it's gotta be addicted. Yeah. And you know, my my dad's particularly be Nah, you know, he has worked every day of his life since on your own and that way if it wasn't for my dad's either, you know, I don't want what the done you know, I'm hugely, hugely grateful for my parents. Although sometimes I haven't shown that and where should I had you know, I I think that's something that we're we're sort of losing today as well. Like people appreciating the parents and because ultimately everyone really kind of does the best with the cards Adele

1:27:01
My dad has done everything he's done ever from for my mom has done everything for me and have suffered massively watching me fail and fail and fail and fail so some of that purpose there is you know given by for an appreciation of like you kept me alive like yeah that's something I've always found interesting is that like if I ever become apparent in the future I can I can kill it as a parent work really hard teach my kids all the right lessons and I've seen this in some of my friends you know they're just up left, right and center and I look at their parents they're amazing they gave them everything and so

1:27:40
what the happened there? Like I guess just happened sometimes you just can't control your kids I am because I've always kind of felt like you know, you raise your kids properly kind of setting them up for success but that's not always necessarily true. I think it's again it's like the two sides thing you know some I I cannot really complain about my

1:28:00
My upbringing around things I had everything I wanted you know, my parents loved me I was brought up it with good morals good values and stuff but somewhere along the line I went off

1:28:11
in the wrong direction and it wasn't their fault you know i don't know whose fault it was a dead and and by up and then whether it was always there as well as Danny I fight I don't even know you know nothing the do well at all because you know me music saved my life a number of times when I fought you know now it wasn't warfare anymore so it's just like my headphones and that was cool you know find find that thing that that can that keeps you going as an music has been go anywhere without the

1:28:46
that's been beg

1:28:50
yeah did you have addiction problems before you got into the music industry heavily mm hmm okay yeah I mean my proudest exacerbated them oh yeah

1:29:00
And words that gave me or an open playing field xo and medicate myself on you know I bought it wasn't even there for that long you know it just

1:29:13
I needed guidance and I've referred cadence was there by refused help my first foray into any kind of

1:29:23
compulsive thinking or mental illness was eating disorders you know I was I had I was 1516 and I was completely

1:29:40
focused on self image and on the right second you know, bad nearly killed me in the first place and really yeah, as a man you so that's more common women usually men have like we have self image problems well, but usually it's you know, they weren't like get jacked. It's a big stigma as well. I mean, that was one that

1:30:00
Really kind of exacerbated my self confidence stuff as well. Because it was a hard one to talk about. But it's and then, you know, we have it. And some people really, really suffer with it. And it's something that I wouldn't think really ever goes away. But you learn to manage it in general. I mean, so no, it's kind of that sort of don't play on my mind at all because it was more kind of other people but I was worried about you know, but then it becomes yourself that you're worried about it and it's, it's, it's a difficult one Yeah, it's a male long time long time to even open my mouth about that when it was so obvious to everyone else around me as well. You know, there's people all the people around me were watching me just kind of fade away How much would you eat right guess how much would you not eat well good question. Yeah, I was I was exercise addicted

1:30:59
and either

1:31:00
I'm supposedly good but in my head you know they have this the spring of these body dysmorphia

1:31:09
and in my head I fought I was getting healthy enough I was looking probably all right but and I look back at pictures now and is wasting away I oh yeah i was a Misa it's I was dying and everyone around menu at bought me and it took a long time to just kind of get get my head around the

1:31:32
there is no shame and man that I've got a problem here and

1:31:38
I think that's a lot of people get stuck on that the the shame thing you know yeah I think asking for help is a huge one and finally here indoors is huge as well yeah definitely definitely to be a long long long time before I ask veil of is so so song have to hit rock bottom as they say without

1:32:00
Like was there a particular moment that he remember? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there was there was and there was a Roman The, the mirror thing, right? It was around during those periods when I was in real, real bad cholesterol and I didn't really know what was going on with Adam didn't know a lot about it. I was just in a desperate situation. I lost everything I wanted to die

1:32:23
and I didn't know what to do. And the physical pain of alcohol withdrawal was really kind of the turning was like the thing that made me pick up the phone and call my mom and I'm listening to help here. And then very soon after that I went and my first treatment center and

1:32:41
then I come out and I up again and the up again. I up again.

1:32:46
And it's been a process of building self love and self confidence and just accepting that I don't have to live like by like, like I can. I can be good to myself and I'm worth more than

1:33:01
You know, I'm worth more than that. Because that is just

1:33:06
horrifying when you would get out of the treatment center, and then you inevitably up, fall off the wagon. Was there a particular triggering moment? Or would it just be like, it. I'm gonna drink.

1:33:20
Yeah, there. You know, there's always there's a reason there's always a reason. And the overwhelming reason really, for me really ties into all of this

1:33:33
I would get out and life would be good, and I put myself and to

1:33:43
appear myself and sort of like a dry host or something.

1:33:47
But I had got red of the alcohol by head not fixed the inside. I still had no purpose I still had no idea what I wanted to do I still

1:34:00
I had no confidence to do the things that I thought would make me happy

1:34:07
and inevitably it all just got too much and I would go back to what was familiar and it actually got to this insane point where if the guy if I got to that point where I'm just like I'm so done with this I'm so fed up of this this is worse I will talk a bike and I put myself on the street because I was gonna I was going there anyway you know and in my head the sooner I got there the sooner I was absolutely rock bottom again The sooner maybe someone would pick me up or I would realize that no I can't live like less than the try again you know so that that's a that's that's the addict thing. It's the having to go to the absolute ends of the earth before doing anything, but it's insane. And you know dos do it. It's crazy. Crazy. Was that like being home.

1:35:00
how up with that thought was off that was not pleasant at all a

1:35:07
really desperate i doing. I don't really know even though I would describe it just really really desperate long Roma's various times you know I was almost four months of it's almost for a few weeks so it is you know it varied and

1:35:24
I'd get back on the wagon and then either ultimately end up there again because I hadn't kicked myself of the and made the changes I needed I needed to make it was not willing to accept that there was over the problem was internal, you know, it wasn't the alcohol it's never the alcohol it's never the drug it's never any of those things. If you think about the way people and not just addicts you know, think of anyone The only reason anyone uses any drug is to change the way they feel ultimately, whether it's a social thing, whether it's a positive thing where there's a

1:36:00
Lego thing

1:36:01
and I was not ready to admit that I was defeated internally although i was

1:36:09
i was for years it was done beaten to death literally. And uh

1:36:17
yeah it was yeah

1:36:21
there's not pleasant I'm curious where that that feeling of being beaten internally comes from because like I'm like you had it going on up until a certain point you know you did well in school you're married like you're killing it as a musician. So was it just kind of like this process that accrued over time where the drinking made you feel more about itself? So then that made you drink more or did you just kind of always have this feeling of anxiety going up? I think um,

1:36:48
you know, I, I'd say the beginning I grew up kind of quite displaced and quite

1:36:56
find that difficult sort of make connections with people and other things.

1:37:00
That sort of contributed to how easy it was for me to just shut off and disconnect from the world

1:37:09
people became just things or flow the rub me you know because I never go I don't want to let someone back close to me because of a soul mistrust and you know as time went on people let me dive in and I let people don't and

1:37:25
it's not gonna happen but sorta tried to convince myself that I didn't need anyone and we need people you know we're social animals we need people and it's again it was the fear and the preyed on the not realizing that there is no shame and admitting that you'd be you know like I've kept the show myself like is it I'm done with it and I need your help like that as for some people it's impossible the cannot muster the the well to do it people talk a lot about

1:38:01
addicts and the the using and the drinking and stuff is like a case of well over like they have no willpower they can't stop doing it I'll tell you what the amount of willpower it takes to exist and the world isn't it especially on the streets or the amount of willpower it takes the get yourself up to every day and get your substance Get your facts get your best you that you incredible willpower addicts have just endless mo power to displace willpower willpower in the wrong direction yeah Miss lead willpower basically you can imagine if they took the amount of effort they took towards getting alcohol and put that towards literally anything else to be world class expert in the week and not set redirect it and put it into something that ain't gonna talk you have easier said than done though is is easier said than done. And it's it's definitely it's a process what would be the number one piece of advice that you would give to people who are trying to give up drinking. Enjoy.

1:39:00
Don't try and give up drinking or drugs. Um,

1:39:08
listen to what other people are telling you. Even if you don't believe it,

1:39:15
you're preyed on the back seat

1:39:19
and just go go with things try things

1:39:26
it's difficult because this is so different for different people you know but I think ultimately it's the admitting defeat is is is you need each individual step one is you know admit defeat you're you you are. You're done. You have lost the war you know so pick yourself up go with these people. They will help you you know and listen to them because you you didn't get yourself anywhere. Yeah, I think that's a will. The thing for me that it really boiled down to was this in that

1:40:00
You know, drugs and alcohol are never 100% negative, you would not be doing them if they were 100% negative, whether it's weed, whether it's a call, whether it's hair, whatever it is, that drug gives you something, you know, they're there are and cons to using it. You know, for example, we'd, you know,

1:40:21
it allowed me to relax, allowed me to chill out. And it also it allowed me to become closer to people. Yeah, it allowed me to just say, hey, I want to come over. So go on, I made some really, really, really cool friends smoking weed. And so that would drive me to keep using it. But at the end of the day, what it really boils down to for me was determining that this drug is taking more than it's giving and that's actually kind of a key I found for

1:40:47
examining anything in my life whether it's a drug or alcohol or type of food or social relationship or a job anything know anytime I want to decide whether they want to keep something in my life. I asked myself is it taking more than it's giving because

1:41:00
It's never black and white. It's never completely taking whatever completely it's got some really good way to look at it as well. And I think is for alcohol I had to

1:41:10
for uncle and for my own Jenna's self esteem issues and stuff I had to really think what am I missing

1:41:19
replacing something with alcohol and that's, you know, it's like why am I messing it How can I get it as opposed to how can I make it go away it's there as deal with it. Yeah I think your mentality behind using drugs or really anything comes down to exactly that the mentality and the way it's being used. You can have two people that drink the exact same amount of alcohol but one person does it and wear it to mask pain and the other person does it in a sense of celebration right or war one one person gets up for walking the more than on you know, lead to normal life and it's not the it's not on the shoulder every minute of every day and they're not drink.

1:42:00
And I walked in there not crashing their car and they're not you know that sort of thing you drink as much as you one if you have a normal life and it's not taking anything from you there's no problem you know I know in no way against drugs or alcohol as whole people can use them and it really you know you use them for it does it take it takes a lot of self awareness because there will yeah a lot of people that will hear that and say oh yeah I'll call us and taking anything from me Shut the up it probably is a hot rods were on the steak homes and yeah like worst case scenario you're asked to sleeping in more than you should on a Saturday like it always takes a little something even if you're like really really really good about it it's taking something yeah I mean it's not good via know if you're putting the boys in. The other thing is whenever we talk about alcohol specifically, we always talk about the addiction usually. I mean, you get to your point it gets really serious about health usually when people look at the

1:43:00
addiction. They talk about it more from the social aspect. They talk about, oh, you're drinking too much. It's causing you to do dumb. It's harming your relationships with your family, yada, yada yada.

1:43:11
What people sometimes forget is that you are literally inhaling poison into your body every day. It is so bad for you, like people completely forget that you are just systematically destroying your brain and liver when you drink. It's interesting, like people are kind of cognizant of that when they eat foods. And people are kind of cognizant of that with other drugs. You know, like maybe take a lot of MDMA is this thing in the back of the head. We're saying I'm kind of taken ice cream scoops out of my brain every time I do this,

1:43:43
both alcohol people just don't really realize that you know,

1:43:48
yeah, there's not I mean the informations out there, but if we people generally people get no can a reason to go and look for it, then they'll never know but

1:44:00
It's what you're willing to give up and for me with Uncle too much to way way way way too much we're still smoke you know I know that's not doing me any good but that's really doing a little bit better than drinking three liters of vodka it's probably the mill yeah it's probably don't do as much damage as I was still doing damage you know but it's it's not a damaged that is like it's are stopping me from having any social interaction and stopping me from working they're stopping me from pursuing things or anything and that I mean that can be the back can be the thing we convince yourself that it's all right and it's not all right but at the moment it's not my main priority is not to stop smoking wish it was sometimes honestly like I'd really like to quit and a lot of people I see a lot of people around me what and and it gives me a motivation to do very trendy to quit smoking is isn't it it's becoming really trendy. I think I might give it a go Well, yeah, that's the initial

1:45:00
thing that I have found about self improvement. And that in my opinion, you really, really, really have to take it one thing at a time. And here's why. Maybe this is just my personality but I found that I've gone through these phases are all good, incredibly motivated, and I want to improve all these different areas of my life. So I'll say starting tomorrow, I'm not drinking, I'm not smoking. I'm only eating kale salads all the time. I'm lifting weights two hours a day. And to top it all off, I'm not going to jack off I'm going to do it all and I'm going to read I'm going to read 50 pages a day. So then I'll kind of have this image in my head of the life I was leading and then this perfect life that I now plan on leaving Yeah, so then I'll go through all that. You know, maybe maybe I won't drink maybe I won't smoke. Maybe I'll eat my kale salad. Then I go to bed at night and I rub one out I'm just all it's all. Now. It's all. So I started stuff and pizza down my face, too. Oh, yeah, exactly. So I kind of get this mentality that's all or nothing. And I found and also just even

1:46:00
willpower it takes to do all those things at once is ridiculous I remember when I was trying to improve myself and

1:46:08
quitting smoking weed yeah was in that mix I've tried to quit smoking weed and do all this other stuff and eventually do something else maybe I break my diet it's like maybe I'll smoke weed right but now that I have quit smoking weed and I've got that handled I don't even think about it at this point. It's been almost three years since I quit smoking weed with them uh. I don't think about it it's just completely automatic. Now I can slowly add something on right now it's quitting drinking yeah right so it's it's becoming pretty automatic but once it becomes like weed where it's just not even an option in my head that I can add other things on maybe to start eating the kale salad maybe I can stop jacking off whatever it is you want to do. Yeah I definitely I think the the store because

1:46:53
you see people in treatment centers go into a treatment center like today I am you know after quite my drugs or drink longer.

1:47:00
Smoking as well and then finding it really really difficult and that causing them more internal pain than these really necessarily have to endure you know the the one thing at a time you know how much time if you go on your life you have tons of time you know, take it once one one thing that's I'm as good good advice yeah it would be much better to establish a habit that you can actually keep yeah rather than just doing this huge grandiose thing don't set yourself up to fail right basically, you know if you don't think he can do it 100% then exactly

1:47:36
my normal advice and that I used to tell me Look, you got kill it. Yeah, get your health in order. You gotta get your diet and check. You gotta find a purpose. You gotta work hard. You gotta work out you gotta read blah blah blah blah blah. But if you're doing all that in such a way you're going to end up doing none of that. you got to work with yourself the best habit is the one that you keep you know, huh yeah, yeah. No, I agree. He's

1:48:00
It's definitely the 111 thing that's I'm going to produce better results than

1:48:06
they all at once and then crashing and burning. So what do you now look for in the people in your life? Because I would assume that you've kind of had to change the type of people that he around. I find this very, very common thing for for people that

1:48:24
have to go prediction you can't really be hanging around with people that drink the latest pocket day. Y'all just don't jive anymore.

1:48:32
So apart from hopefully having like their addictions under control, what do you look for in the people in your life?

1:48:39
Um,

1:48:41
well, I mean, I'll call especially is quite an isolate and drug, right. So I spend a lot of time isolating addiction, you know, I didn't drink with people it was it was a very individual thing. So I've had more trouble bringing people into my life you know, because I began

1:49:00
Get back to the world and the world is you know it's not tiger and that Tiger time is always there and you gotta tame them and

1:49:09
I'm, I have trust issues with people and you know it's it's again that is a process is that by steps or thing

1:49:17
but ultimately the people I would have in my life are people who want the best for me and people who are not going to

1:49:29
judge me when I are these people going to off, you know

1:49:36
people that are supportive but not supportive to the point that they're enabling, you know, people that will be honest with me, I think on this day on the state is huge, huge, huge, huge Well, those two things are bit contradictory you can have honesty ain't gonna have someone that's not going to judge you and you up well it's not necessarily true I mean, judge you and in the terms of like, you useless so they bring you down you know, I mean reality.

1:50:01
I thought frame like honesty and and in reality is very different to like on this day that's kinda meant to heart you know people that aren't going to go over their way to make you feel like a deck if you up you need to be told straight and I I needed to be the old straight definitely I needed to be told you're and you're acting like an and you're gonna lose everything you can to end up a very very happy person I'm sure people did tell you that they didn't listen yeah exactly they said over and over again and those are the kind of people I didn't one in my life because I wasn't ready to listen but now you are looking for those types of people yeah and those tapes people will revolve around you know it's it's not hard to find people you know people people are

1:50:51
if you got 7 billion of those Exactly. You know and that's the whole thing about the people judging you and stuff like if people do judge you it's like

1:51:00
For us to get new people Yeah, yeah. If you're a feeling really beat down and held back by the people in your life, you've got the wrong people in your life. Yeah, thank you nailed it when you said you want people in your life that want the best for you. Um, in fact, that's actually a very, very good test of the people in your life.

1:51:24
And a lot of people have experienced this when they go through a massive growth, massive improvement in massive identity changes.

1:51:32
And I've gone to this where I start, maybe I start a new business. Maybe I start trying to improve my skills with women. Maybe I start working out maybe actually a big one was quitting drinking. A reaction I get from my friends saw my friends

1:51:46
is what are you doing? men? What? white, white quitting drinking? Man you don't got. quit drinking. Come on, and just have a trinkets. All right. Why wait talking to that girl. Man? What do you don't wake up and talking to that girl. You shouldn't be doing that. Just Just.

1:52:00
I'm sure it's like this weird, bro. It's weird that you're going to talk about the pretty girl you don't know, or, or whatever it is, you know, because people have the success barriers, almost like what we were talking about earlier

1:52:12
in that if you see Kim Kardashian killing it in life, or actually, she's a terrible example. But if you're see Mark Cuban or somebody who's legitimately producing content out there, killing in life,

1:52:24
then it's very easy to say, Oh, that's Mark Cuban. Mark Cuban Oh, Mark Cuban's, this billionaire, he's on Shark Tank. He owns a bunch of basketball teams. Okay, I forget how he made billions of dollars, but Richard Branson bad Brad Pitt, whoever the your idol. Okay. Okay. Um, when you see them out there killing it. It's easy to say, Oh, that's Richard Branson killing it. That's not me. That's Elon Musk killing it that's not me. But when you see someone in your social circle killing it start to not wait you. So when you see one of your friends during to make this massive change. You basically have two options mentally you can either encourage that change and in doing so the byproduct

1:53:00
Is that your brain says oh well maybe I need to change to take a bit of a of a hit to your ego when you see massive positive change in one of your friends and you accept them for it but that pain like we were talking about earlier is positive and it will drive you towards growth or very very tempting say you know what that guy man he working out he's lifting weights that guy he's quitting drinking like I actually did he think seven us and so they'll try to hold you down and people do it subconsciously they don't realize what's going on in their head so when he started proving yourself Take note take very very very careful note of who encourages you because you will have friends like dude you're quitting drinking? yeah man. I was definitely what you know. You know, sometimes you go for Facebook and you have like a part of these like people it's like people you don't own people you don't know and definitely when in the past when I have fought right I'm getting out of the addiction thing though.

1:53:55
I've had to get other people you know and I've had to just excommunicate them.

1:54:00
And just forget about them because, you know,

1:54:04
maybe they didn't know they were doing that, but you know, good for me. And it's um, you mentioned relationship so they're on and it's hard to happen in relationships as well. When I've been no good for that person. They've been no good for me. But you get so carried away with the whole thing that you saw are willing to accept the misery and it's no way alive. And sometimes those people have to go and that's you know, that's life people come and go but are choosing who would get rather off it's sometimes difficult but something necessary that's one thing I think people don't kind of realize is an option is choosing your friends. No. Yeah. And being very, very careful about who you hang out with. People tend to be better about it with the people they're dating. You know, they dating someone and then they decide it's not working out so they break up awesome. That's the way it should be.

1:55:00
Let people have this idea like you can't break up with your friends you couldn't possibly break up with your friends I can't break up with you mark like we're not dating we're just always going to be friends you can choose your friends you can't choose your family that sort of you can't choose your family but you can share it choose your friends alright Can you can choose your phone and yeah you could use yourself in the family the you want man if you want to go to Iceland and completely excommunicate every single person in your life and start fresh you can do it not saying it's a good idea but you can do it. Yeah and you need to take that same idea with your friends the same idea of having a diet right you choose very carefully what foods you put in your body I think you need to have a mental diet in the sense that you need to be very very particular

1:55:45
about the influences your life not just your friends, but also the media you're consuming the TV or watching the YouTube videos are watching the books you're reading. Hopefully you're reading books, whatever you need to diet what's coming.

1:56:00
into your brain. Makes sense. Yeah, totally agree with that. I think a lot of people just don't. Especially when it comes to friends and stuff, they just don't think they have choice. Or I think if they lose these people what what you know, was it they call it show my age now

1:56:23
former fellow fo mo fear of missing out. Yeah I have friends in overtime fire so lots of Australians and the

1:56:34
como yeah she's always like, whoa, whoa, okay yeah, phone was not a good one. You know,

1:56:43
I was like, say if you're lonely when you're alone. You're in Bad Company. You know, and I think that's what I'm almost done from is this inability to be happy. Yeah, just being alone.

1:56:55
You should be able to theoretically sit in on a Saturday night.

1:57:00
That midnight and just be happy if you can set we yourself but is just that you can set yourself and do nothing and not be haunted or harassed by the thoughts in your head that is a place of peace. That is just

1:57:17
something that I thought I would never attain ever in my life at any point and on can do that. No, you know I can set and not worry about what's going on the road Mayor what's going on outside and just be grateful for what the I have. And you know, I'm like I'm in a good place now. And I can build on this and

1:57:39
it will be done to me. whether it works or not. Yeah, I juggled with that with

1:57:45
my social relationships. Sometimes. Especially

1:57:50
with the quantity of my social relationships, particularly being in college. This constantly this this pervasive feeling.

1:58:00
of status anxiety

1:58:03
always in your life, but especially when you're in something like college or high school like that, because it's so

1:58:11
based around who you know how many friends you have, how popular you aren't like sometimes it feels like that's what high school or college is all about. And so it's very very easy especially with social media these days to see these other people and feel like you are less popular and I'm feel like they have way more friends in you and that can kind of start to you up. And there are two main things don't get over that one was realizing that oftentimes these people who you think have a ton of friends really do not have it dialed in and figure it out anywhere close to as well as you think they do. I remember this one particular time there's this girl who

1:58:56
I was walking in love with actually she was absolutely beautiful and I

1:59:00
always seeing the gym and I kind of built her up in my head is this really beautiful popular girl with all these friends I would see or talk to everyone in the gym it just the type of person we looked them like wow they know everyone yeah they were more friends than me and I actually got to know her

1:59:14
she had nothing going on she she actually really didn't have any friends to speak of it kind of looked like she had friends but she had no legitimate friends which brought me to my second point of it's about quality, not quantity, you know. Yeah. And you need to remove that status anxiety you have about not being

1:59:38
connected enough socially and legitimately ask yourself am I happy with my friends? And oftentimes the answer is yes and then you just need to forget about this constant anxiety to always be popular yeah i mean it's it's the state is things just a huge one that says overwhelmingly

1:59:59
destructive.

2:00:00
to people's lives, I think.

2:00:02
And then again in the advent of social media, it's just become this massive thing. And it's

2:00:09
the quantity quality thing.

2:00:11
Yeah, definitely. I don't mind RF like me think about myself. I don't have any friends. I think honestly, like, Who would I if I was going to do something? How many people have I gotten? My phone rang up and say, come over. Let's do something that probably fit on one hand. You know, you know, I thought

2:00:30
it most people I like that. But a lot of people look at you and say, dude, Mark, he's a rock star. Everyone loves my watch. 10 girls suck his last night. They would. They would feel worse about their own lives. But you got to get to know you. And 99% of the time people say the exact same thing I could fit all my friends in one hand. Yeah, man. I've been like what the rock star thing like you know music What a million years ago. You know it's that was another life of

2:01:00
One up in it. And

2:01:04
I don't know if it's if it's a thing, maybe

2:01:09
we'll try and say

2:01:11
I am much happier now than I was when I had everything but I fought I wanted

2:01:19
because I had everything I thought I wanted and discovered that actually it was all I wanted. It was what was left. I had myself to the earth and that was the one thing I wasn't happy with. And now I'm pretty or eight myself and

2:01:37
yeah, okay. Good people are I'm a definitely good people are Amina as opposed to you know one good friend and 100,000 associations that I'll never you know a queen no one's coming to my wedding you know i mean like when they come to me gang was an open bar, then they'll come on let me get married. There was two people that really well.

2:02:00
Literally guess and they were witnesses you know i mean that's how many friends I had and like real real friends and

2:02:09
that's awesome yeah it was pretty devastating that the time I'm gonna tell you I did you invite a bunch of people that didn't show up no no I mean that is taking mental checklist and try to figure out how many people are potentially going when I fought about it like after because we were gonna do this you know we

2:02:28
was a situation to really get into it but it was like we're gonna do it like a quick Sarah one and then to a wedding thing layer. And but when I actually did the thing, and then for Who would I actually invite and no one personally no one you know, I mean, I'd like family obviously. But when it comes to friends and people that like I would pick up the phone and say, come over, let's do this is no one and I have people like that today. And that's amazing. The people that are

2:03:00
are in my periphery that I'll never do anything when I have like actual genuine people that like want to hang out with me and but some Asian yeah let's great and that's all that's all kind of dumb to

2:03:16
stopping

2:03:18
thinking so much and stopping taking so much focus on

2:03:25
being something that I wasn't

2:03:29
yeah good Shipman yeah you've been at this for a while he's good two hours as it you know Time flies on yeah thanks guys thanks for coming on man I've learned a thing or two for you I'm gonna steal your Tiger metaphor if you don't mind yeah yeah go for it Yeah Dad asked me Can we find you on like Instagram or anything like that where can we find your? I have an Instagram

2:03:51
Marco and McGuire

2:03:55
Facebook. I can I keep that sort of private?

2:03:59
Yeah, get get me on.

2:04:00
Instagram. Yeah, that's probably the best but I was not shot. Yeah. Well, um, mockery pixel for the deck pack, so all the dictates you like 75 bucks on Snapchat. You're gonna Marco and McGuire. pic. Yeah, yeah.

2:04:13
Gotta support this time lifestyle sometime. I it's gonna have to happen, isn't it? I'm gonna go back into prison. Yeah, I'll just stand back there. And then what am I gonna do? Well, thanks for coming on, man. Thank you. I appreciate it. Oh, before you go. Who's on your shirt? This is. This is Elon Musk. Birth Lassila. Ilan musk. I keep hearing the name. But I've no idea. Oh, yeah. I learned about you on musk. He's killing. He's taken us to Mars, bro. That's what I'm gonna do when I get home. read his biography. Yeah. Okay. Alright. Thanks, bro. Thank you for coming. Thank you for listening to the mental architect. I am your host Sam cb. If you enjoyed this episode, go on down to iTunes and smash that review button so hard that your finger falls off

2:04:55
if you want to learn the secrets of the universe or you want to watch the video version of this pilot.

2:05:00
Cast go to CMC Bri dot com

2:05:03
This has been your no blueprint for peak performance and as always, until next time

Sam is an ambassador for personal growth. When Sam started to take action towards a better life, it wasn’t long before he was hooked faster than Captain Blackbeard’s left hand. Years later, Sam strives to produce change in others similar to the identity level transformation which occurred within himself. His aim is to break fulfillment down into a series of straightforward steps, and introduce it into the life of anyone who is willing to embark on the path of action, education and ownership.